在2009的最后一天

12月31日是今年的最后一天，
意味着2009 要到尾声了。。

今年虽不多灾多难，
但还是逃不过很多不开心的事情。
家里问题，有亲人离世或身体不适进院，
钱财困扰，事业不顺，
无辜被卷入人家的感情纠纷，小孩烦恼等。
想想，算是不平坦的吧。

哭了，痛了，冷了，淡了，全都过去了。。
但想笑，突然觉得好难。。
以为拥有的，原来离我很远。

既然是最后的一天，
该把这一切不开心的抛掉。。

2010年应该会好一点，
至少我希望好一点，
人能积极一点，
不要再钻牛角尖，
开怀并心宽一点，
笑容多一点，让人也会开朗一点，
身体也好一点。。

好事都多一点。。
坏事少很多点。。

还好2009年有带给我一件好事，
而会在2010延续并实现。
我的新希望与喜悦。
所以我对2010有多一份的期待。

不过，这也意味着我得做个决定，
一个可能会让我后悔不已的决定。
不想去想，但它会在脑海里挥之不去。

等时间到了，一切该会明朗。。

好了，都最后一天，
不要再不开心了，
应该开心痛快的迎接新的一年。。

祝我所有的亲人，朋友，同事，
把所有不快乐都忘了，
2010年能快快乐乐，心想事成，
事事能顺心顺意。。

我们一起加油吧 :)

厌。。

原来当你对一些人与事开始产生厌倦的时候，你会开始选择尽量地去回避接触。不管曾经你有多么的在乎它，对它爱不释手。人如此，事也如此。

人，只因成长的环境的不同，面对认识的人不同，就算曾好，时间和经历会把好过的两人的距离渐渐拉远。不是谁和谁的错，只是我们未能为对方停下。喜新厌旧感，有时会让你无所适从。现在，可以对某人某事而新奇，雀跃，但下分钟，却心意阑珊，兴趣不再。。

会觉得可悲，但我是矛盾的。因我的喜与恶的感觉太强，其中的变换也太快，很快从喜变恶，或恶变喜。我不想选择逃避，但面对很辛苦。苦了别人，也苦了自己。。

to give up

how i hope to get away the thing that have held on for the past years.. but then, given the status now, i am still needing to hold on to it..

argh.. i hope i can really give up and get away once possible.. this time i really need to make up and do it before i make myself more crazy.. hahaha...

a thought after watching 'my sister's keeper'

well, have watched the movie at Vivo GV Gold Class yesterday which was my birthday as well.. haha.. i guess i shouldn't have watched the show that day cos it was bringing tears to my eyes throughout. should have watched something less emotional since i can really cry easily nowadays.. my hormones has changed a lot.. hahahaaha...

dun ask me to review the show cos i myself is in a dilemma and upset after watching. i can understand the struggle of the mother, who wants to ensure the living of the sick daughter, but to give birth to another, and to make her the supplier of the live organs and blood etc to the sick. still, i can't really make myself to agree. both are the flesh and blood of her.. it is unfair, but who can say she is wrong? i will not say that..

i guess the lucky portion is that the younger one who is engineered to be the 'supplier' share a strong bond with her sister. i realised towards the end, she doesn't really mind giving her stuffs to her sister to prolong her living. though it is cruel to her and having people misunderstanding her (due to the suing and trial), but she does want to help her sister.

when it is the time to let go.. ones have to learn to let go.. if not suffering and unhappiness will come knocking. shall not mentioned much of the plot, for the sake of those who still wanna watch the movie :)

being a mother and daughter, i do hope the best of the health for my family. i know when one is down, the chain reaction on every person, be it sorrow or worries. just like when my mother was diagnosed with cancer few years back. luckily i have her back to my life. i can't imagine my life w/o her. call me a mommy gal but i really love her..

watching the show make me realize more that i should cherish my family, especially the big and small in my own family and protect them within my means. i want them to be in the best of health (oh did i repeat it?) and be happy..

i pray for all my family members and friends to be happy and healthy. hope you be praying for me as well :)

Sis Shenton名言：不要消极过日子

放弃

不想再去争论了，
反正在理论的世界里，
我永远都是个输家，
不想了，放弃了，
对错都算了。。

现在，
让我再任性一下，
很快都会过去了。。

流失

感觉到它慢慢地在流失，
就算有时好，有时坏，
但应该不会改变。。

或许再不补救，
就可能会消失了。。

梦想

最近，看了五月天的演唱会。
也看到他们对自己的梦想与坚持。。

梦想啊。。

从小，我知道自己有一个梦，
爱唱歌的我，站在舞台上，
把好听的歌曲唱给人听。。
或许不用出片，与志趣相同的人，
玩着不同曲风的音乐。。

还有一个已实现了的梦想，
就是拥有自己的小孩，
好好照顾，好好栽培，
让我为他感到骄傲。。
但我想，喜悦还小，
骄傲等他大一点再说吧。。嘻嘻。。

可现在，忽然觉得想离家出走，
走着未曾走过的青草，
游着未游过的小溪大海，
过着未过过的大小桥，
见着未见过的人事物等。。

这是新的梦想，
也是个还不能开始的梦想。。
再等等吧。。

罪孽深重。。

唉，最近我把半大包的米扔了，
因为开始生虫，并且有一股酸味。。

从有家开始，
我不知道已丢了多少食物，
虽然它们已坏，
但还是不禁觉得浪费。。

我们面临全球暖化等，
粮食等都或许快要得来不易，
我却。。。唉。唉。唉。。
该打，该打，真该打。。。。

真的是罪孽深重啊！

珍惜我们所拥有的。。

每次，看到电视上有关明星出国帮忙一些落后国家的过程，
心里都会时不时地纠结了起来。

因为，那些国家的人民，
吃的，用得着的，穿的等，都与新加坡的很不同。

一小包的巧克力，能让小朋友开心一整天；
不起眼的玩具等，却能让他们如获至宝；
简单的文具用品，对他们来说，
是实现能读书的愿望的起步。。

他们粮食短缺，三餐不继，
导致营养不良，瘟疫肆虐。
但是他们还是为自己而努力，
不会放弃。。

想想，新加坡的大人与小孩，真的很幸福。
坐着大汽车，进出百货公司，吹着冷气，
吃着雪糕，或大餐，玩着PSP。。

我依稀记得看过一个节目，
一对父母带着两个孩子，
到好象是乡下的地方去玩和过夜。

起先，过程对他们挺新颖的。
但是，当他们到了，也开始闹起脾气。
嫌弃睡觉的地方没冷气，
蚊子很多，地方很肮脏等。

可是落后国家的小孩是这么过着他们的生活的啊。。

看着明星林志玲部落格，
她在史瓦济兰的点点滴滴，
让我在想要如何教导喜悦，
珍惜现在有的一切。。

真的要好好珍惜我们所拥有的。。

林志玲部落格 - 志玲史瓦济兰之旅

志玲前往史瓦济兰飞机上
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100ekl2.html

志玲史瓦济兰之旅-到达的下午
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100el07.html

志玲史瓦济兰之旅-曾祖母的眼泪
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100elg4.html

志玲史瓦济兰之旅-需要被拥抱的孩子!
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100en6o.html

志玲史瓦济兰之旅-数据不代表什么!
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100enp1.html

志玲史瓦济兰之旅-睡在泥土上的邦妮薇
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100eoli.html

志玲史瓦济兰之旅-希望之窗
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100ep0a.html

志玲史瓦济兰之旅-13岁的重担
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100eq4n.html

志玲史瓦济兰之旅-住在天堂的丝里薇
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100eqlv.html

志玲史瓦济兰之旅-飞往回家的飞机上
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100er27.html

cool weather

recently been raining a lot. the weather has changed to kinda cool instead of hot due to the global warming.. have missed such temperature and atmosphere.. i always fancy rainy season than sunny, not bcos i dun like the sun, jus tat i like the feeling that the rain will bring to me, especially nite time.

i always like to make myself wet in the rain and bringing umbrella always seemed so uncool.. haha.. but then guess really like ppls said, age is catching up.. so must not be like when still in my young age, and have to really take care.. haha..

well.. since the nite is so cooling, let's hope it will last longer and we all can have a cooling room where we will have our sweet dreams.. :)

change of blog address

have decided to give a change in the blogspot address to better suit the theme for this blog.. the simple haven.. guess is more tailored to the simple me.. haha :P

why? why am i still in the same situation?

i know what is the important thing currently in my life now and what i want to do. but then i am still lack of the courage to let go and concentrate on it..

is it because i can't see the opportunity for it?
or i am too blindly following the path which others saying that it is right?
or i am just escaping from the reality in front of me?

why?

无题 (II)

好奇怪,明明没有哭,
但总有一种哭后的失落感。。

最近听歌听得很空洞,
可能有太多歌曲流动,
让耳朵听得累了,
就算是评语高的歌,
也未能像以前般的牵动着我。。
唱起来也显得有心无力。。

烦心的事太多,
心被一层暗暗的云盖住了,
光彩没了,笑容也少了,
是想太多,还是心结放不开,
我想两者都有吧。。

不应为此困住,
但不理又谈何容易,
虽知解脱之法实简,
可做出的勇气很多。。

简单如我,
得快快走出阴霾的世界。。

林家故事：thepokgui.blogspot.com

have just created a family blog recently, URL as per above, to post most of the family events and memories in. like that at least ben dan can also update the blog w/o affecting my own blog.. though i am not so sure how long will he update (or if he will update?!).. haha ;p

silence is golden

should have remember & practise this as it's been one of my beliefs since long time ago, then i will not get myself into unnecessary situation, even though it is just a thought of mine. all said and done, i do not regret and will not mention anymore.

the moody me

my mood is becoming bad recently. too many things occurred at a go, regardless whether it is just my imagination due to my too-sensitive nature, or it is really happening around me. i dun really enjoy the feeling i am having now. took me some times to decide if to blog this down.. but anyway, it is the place where i can put my thoughts in.. so why not.. haha..

i want to quit my job, and it is a 'wanting to' badly.. haha.. been planning and did sent out a few, but guess the recession has hit all in a pretty bad way, so no news till now. been in the same company for so many years, not much progress and then quite stagnant. din went for overseas training cos i do not foresee myself staying long, but yet i am going to spend 8 years here.. 8 YEARS!!! i din know i can tahan in a place for so long, cos counting primary school only 6 years, secondary is 4 years and in poly is 3 years.. i am impressed. now i am not sure if it is because i take things too personally, thus a lot of things to me seems rather unfair and feeling not taken care of. i become really the 'ice' in the office. dun talk much, lunch also like to stay at own cube and eat, a lone-ranger. realise i should really walk out and try other stuffs. but always held back by the lacking in courage.

i know i am considered a lucky gal. at least i managed to get a job quite fast after my poly gradudation. even though i know this job is not to my liking, but at that period, the time and pay really make my day. plus, i enjoy the company of my old colleagues even though i know they have doubts in my abilities and my laziness.. haha.. though i always complain abt my boss, but then she is always helping me (in a way) whenever i needed. but then since the years passed, people come people go.. things and people really will change, even though you face the same faces everyday. haha.. i guess i really need to escape and start afresh.. just need to pluck my whole courage from my body and soul..

recession times now but yet i can see people just do to their likings. the person whom i hoped not have already quit her job. she claimed she wanna spend more time with her children due to their behaviour now. i have doubts, really. when i see the way she handling the child, i am scared. somemore she will have more times to play with xavier. haha.. i hope i wun get crazy and start to quarrel with her, thus i must learn to handle my emotions and attitude more.

as a mother, i have to admit, i am the possessive one. i am now having the feeling of being a failure as a mother cos my son stick to his grandparents more than me. dear mr lim mentioned that at least i might be in the top 5 of son's list. but then i still can't take it. i am becoming not sure how to handle the little son of mine. i almost give up last sat when i happened to be alone with him. with the occurrence of some head bumping incidents, i am getting more and more paranoid when he starting his crawling and climbing etc. then have to endure his crying for carrying when i am busy doing works around the house.

aware of someone else's affairs sometimes can be interesting or troubled. cos i am not sure how to console the people involved though i know my attitude towards them will not change. perhaps i am rather practical in relationship (with a bit of disbelief), i can't really understand the rational of accepting someone so unworthy of the love given, since the person have performed the act of betrayal. fighting for such person should be the last things the partners do, but yet now they are playing the tug-of-wars for him. what a joke... at least i am seeing it as a big joke.. i wish i can just walk up and give the person one tight slap for being the jerk.

well.. guess it is good for me to open up in my blogging.. at least the feelings are relieved a bit. just hope that the next time i blog, it will be a happy event.. i can't having my blog telling sad and unhappy stories all the while. must have something interesting and happy to brighten up. i am 'dark' enough for people to recognise me.. hahahahaahaaa ;p

我的6牙儿子

体检时,大闹诊所.. *摇头*

奶嘴是他的最佳玩伴..

第三, 四, 五, 六颗的牙隐隐地出现..

should i?

really in dilemma, wonder if i should just let go and tell the person? even though the person is not in my books, but then i still not feeling comfortable of seeing the person to be in such position. but telling will make the whole thing more confused and hard to tidy.

wah... dilemma dilemma dilemma..

无题 (I)

走了一圈,
发现还在原点,
感觉的触礁,
让我边走边忘了停下脚步,
欣赏沿路的风景,
悦耳的声音,音乐。

我变得更冷漠了,
全身已长满了刺,
捍卫着自己。

或许收起会有更美的际遇吧。。

miracle of life & parenthood..

looking back at the old photos taken for baby xavier, it is really heart-warming to see my little prince has grown from a small infant who likes to cry and sleep alot in the bed, w/o me worrying that he will fall from bed cos he haven't mastered the rolling over tactics, to a bigger baby who can roll from one place to another and asking for 'bao bao' when place sitting upright.. from milk drinking to a solid-food munching baby, daily poo poo to maybe not so frequent (everytime he poo, i am like strike lottery and happily clearing his poo.. haha ;p).. me still waiting for the moment he will be able to crawl and standing up..

the miracle of lives is always happening around us, it is up to us whether we are willing to open our senses to learn to feel it. recently have seen 2 cases of abandoned babies, which twisted my heart a bit on the thought of why the mother can be steel-heart to just put their new-borne in some places and went away, leading to death of one baby..

but then, i do not know the rational behind the mother's action. perhaps they have reasonable explanation for their doings. i can understand raising a child is not that easy. the stress level, be it physical, mental, emotion, financial etc, is very overwhelming. took me sometimes to get over the difficult phases, though at times i have been complaining, but i know my ben dan is always there for me and our xavier..

somehow, it is all worth it when i see a smiling face from someone who always wanna me carry when he sees me. and the way he keeps attacking the toys around him and start his biting skills.. the excitement he shows when he see milk bottle and foods on his way, with his mouth wide-opened..

i must admit, i might not be the good mother in accord to some of the new mothers around me. i need some private time with ben dan and will left him with mil or my mum just to catch time for a date or movie. and i will spank him (gently) if he started to kick fuss, and raise my voice a bit when he is really getting on my nerves. i don't think i fit into the 'love education' which is greatly adores by most mothers now.. haha ;p

but YES, I DO LOVE MY SON.. and i am proud whenever i introduce him to my friends etc. if being good mother means that scolding is out when the child is getting out of hand, and giving in all the times, then i guess you can fail me.. don't get me wrong, i don't encourage anyhow scolding and beating on just to insist that your thinking is right.

the inner nature of child might be decided when he/she arrives to this world, but the up-bringing by parents played a major part. hearing stories and working in a childcare environment before, i realise that some of the children now are rather self-centred and pampered (forgive me for bring blunt), and their actions are hard for me to understand since the parents are so highly educated. maybe our system of raising a child has changed until i can't anticipate.

i believe in knowing the nature of your child and put the appropriate approach in getting the child understand and listening. of cos, i must learn to be a listening party. but knowing myself, there is more that i need to learn in handling these situation when xavier is older. saying is always easier, and doing is the real test. again, i have far more to catch up to realise this talk of mine.. haha ;p

having being a child, teenage, young adult, i know when children are older, they will have their own world, having their own friends where they will confide mostly on, going out for activities and not coming back for dinner, perhaps getting a partner and have their own families. this is part and parcel of life, which i think everyone will go through. i guess i would need to learn to let go when this comes. but i will try to hold my child close whenever possible.

now, i appreciate more on the things my parent did for me, though there are times i still can't help it but to talk back sometimes, and get angry when my child-like father gets on my nerves..

well, think i will wait for another 10 more years or so before facing these situations, so meanwhile, guess i will watch with appreciation that xavier is growing well under the love and care by family and friends, waiting for him to reach each milestone...

turtle's thought of the day.. hehe ;p

简单生活

很喜欢这位Ms Shenton在mypaper.sg里的专栏, 以客观的角度来写我们日常所经历的事物。。这篇文章本人挺喜欢的，与你分享分享 ：）

想太多

终于明白有些事是我想太多了，
原来做了一场可笑的梦。。

虽然不知道的话，
事情会美一点，但知道后，
才会了解一切是自己一厢情愿的，
还傻傻得以为，真得有人欣赏。。

真的觉得自己太可笑，
也可悲了。。

哈哈哈哈。。

Rainbow

saw a long beautiful rainbow on 25 Feb on my way home where coincidentally, i was feeling down that day, be it for work or personal.. was puzzled when i saw a lot of people using their phone camera to take snapshots when crossing the overhead bridge. when i saw the rainbow, my mood was lifted up a bit as it seemed like a sign asking me to buck myself up.. even though i resisted the idea of taking the photo of it, but a voice kept telling me to capture the moment..

2 of my friends mentioned the rainbow in the blog & facebook respectively where they were delighted to see the rainbow. i guess the rainbow has helped to lift up everyone's mood on that day.. at least mine was lifted and went happy for a while..

however, i still have questions in my mind to ponder..
more challenges to come, can i take it?
decision to be made, will i regret it?
road getting tougher, will i able to keep on walking?

guess got to just smile and go on :)

眼泪

最近，不懂是不是爱心泛滥，还是过于感性，
从电视看到一些故事，听着某首歌，
人家分享的故事，
眼眶会渐渐被泪水掩盖，
然后眼泪徐徐而下。。

以前，同样的事情也会发生，
但是，不会像如此般地容易，
最多也只是湿了眼眶罢了。。

奇怪，真的很奇怪。。

不能哭，会比能哭来的辛苦。。
我想应该好好控制我的眼泪，
毕竟，眼泪是珍贵的。
要为真正值得流而流。。

你呢？多久没有感动流泪了呢？

****************************

眼泪

作词:黄国伦 作曲:黄国伦
主唱: 范晓萱

青春若有张不老的脸 但愿它永远不被改变
许多梦想总编织太美 跟着迎接幻灭

爱上你是最快乐的事 却又换来最痛苦的悲
苦涩交错爱的甜美 我怎样都学不会 ha~

oh~眼泪 眼泪都是我的体会 成长的滋味
oh~眼泪 忍住眼泪不让你看见 oh 我在改变
孤单的感觉 你从不曾发现 我笑中还有泪

爱上你是最快乐的事 却又换来最痛苦的悲
苦涩交错爱的甜美 我怎样都学不会 a~

oh~眼泪 眼泪都是我的体会 成长的滋味
oh~眼泪 忍住眼泪不让你看见 oh 我在改变
孤单的感觉 你从不曾发现 我笑中还有泪

oh~眼泪 眼泪流过无言的夜 心痛的滋味
oh~眼泪 擦干眼泪忘掉一切 曾有的眷恋
oh~眼泪是苦 眼泪是伤悲 oh 眼泪都是你
oh~眼泪是甜 眼泪是昨天 oh 眼泪不流泪

骏安长牙了！！

发现骏安的小小牙正在慢慢的生长，
想拿相机拍，但他却超级不合作，
哄他，骗他，开了一下，马上把嘴关起来，
在笨蛋的协助下，好不容易才拍到的。。

诱骗中














来硬了
















哈哈。。

现在的心情

是贪婪吗?
是渴望吗?
要的不是物质，
只是一种想被疼爱的感觉。

看着，听着，
别人愉悦地庆祝，
而发现自己原来，
已很久没有好好庆祝了。。

他是疼我的，无可否认，
但我想一切对他来说，
变的理所当然。

就算我口是心非地说，
不要不要庆祝，
但心里还是暗地里的期盼着。。

好矛盾，真的好矛盾。。
发现自己既可笑也无聊，
一直去想着已过的节日，
虽有不甘，但也该习以为常。。

我想快快走出闷闷的心情 :)

jus to talk around.. haha..

think recently i am really lazy.. even my blog is in english except for the song to share where it is copied and paste from website to blog. cos need to spend more time to find the appropriate words for chinese.. think english i can anyhow write cos my 'england is very very not powderful'.. so guess even if people wanna penalized me, will not give me really bad scores.. haha.. ya.. getting more and more lazy in one way or another.. and getting fatter liaoz.. how i miss the slim slim figure during poly time.. but all in the past liaoz..

how are my friends recently? good or bad? still affected by the bad news every now and then?? now my feelings are more settled down but me getting more and more quiet.. jus feel like lazing at home and workplace doing nothing or perhaps watching videos quietly.. even when lunch time i oso too tired to go out to eat wif my kakis.. except when weekend is here, i will be more energised cos will want to bring xavier out to know this world.. though ben dan will be lazy then but he did tried his best to bring us out whenever we can.. as weekend is the only time where we can have xavier wholly to ourselves.

he is getting more and more chubby, though i still feel tat he is losing weight. guess tat's the nature of a mother. wanna the child to be chubby and cute cute.. still, need to watch over his growth, i dun wan him to be fat like me. haha.. now he coming to learn to suck his thumb liaoz.. this son of mine really has a strong sucking instinct as stated in the book. sigh.. how do i help him to kick the habit? my mum said is like tat one, he will kick the habit once older.. then my MIL has no choice but to give to him since she needs to do housework and cook for the family, this is only way to keep him quiet most of the times. thanks to her, at least i can go to work or out to dating with mind in peace. so now i try to ask ben dan to bring her out wif us whenever we can so tat she wun be always at home alone when my FIL is out there doing 'KPO'.. oops.. haha..

jus completed watching the HK series 'Tang Xin Feng Bao', inside the show, the lady chang zaixin spent time updating her blog which acts like her diary and her bf, alfred, oso picked up the habit of writing diary on the pc when he broke up wif her. after watching tat i oso feel like using my blog as diary for everyday life. but then knowing myself too well, my lazy nature will make me give up shortly and of cos, more effort will be spent in writing the diary in chinese, as think tat is my stronger language and i wun wanna spoil tat.. haha.. think i still do wat i can doing now.. jus update whenever i can.. muahahaha ;p

oh ya, coming i will have tough time gng on. why? most of my colleagues will be gng overseas for training and locally we have a lot of things i need to take over from one. think it is my time to work hard as he really helped me a lot during pregnancy and back from maternity leave.. must do my best. though i might be dealing wif someone i dun like, but think tat is part and parcel of life, rite? can't ask for the best of anything. if i really come across him during work, think i jus played my unfriendly self again, but i think he knows i dun like him.. so dun think his crap will affect me anyway.. muahahaa ;p me not friendly gal liaoz..

chinese new year is coming soon.. think if sat really gng out, must ask ben dan to buy clothing for baby although i think xavier has more than enough clothings.. ban dan said must buy him red shirt, red pant, red shoes, red cap.. make sure tat he will be the red angbao for the festival. i was like 'diao', dun know wat to say.. tis yr, guess i will bring her back to mum's hse for the 1st day of new yr, which i nvr go back on tat day before. think she will be missing her grandchildren during festive seasons.. but my sis can't, cos her hubby's side got celebration and her daughter will be in the limelight.. and dun think she wanna bring lele back to my grandmother's side. sometimes all the unhappiness cannot be erased easily. i oso trying my best not to bring over tat day, but still see how, cos think me more soft-hearted than my sis.. muahaaha ;p wat a way to praise myself.. me crazy gal..

wah, realised when coming to write in english, i will keep on writing, not knowing tat the thing will get longer and longer.. hahaahaha.. but then i will not give up writing in chinese. when i really feel like it, i will still write in chinese.. perhaps one day i will oso write in jap language, but then got to wait till i revised my jap. long time din touch, all given back to my teachers.. haiz.. really waste money and time if dun revised.. then i can also teach xavier if i can catch hold of the language better.. wah, english, chinese and jap for him.. will it be too hard??

ok.. got to stop liaoz.. if not my boss sees me write tis during working hours.. sure scold me.. muahahaa.. till then my friends..

五月天 - 你不是真正的快乐

人群中 哭着 你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会梦 或痛 或心动了
你已经决定了 你已经决定了

你 静静 忍着 紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
而回忆越是甜 就是 越伤人了
越是在 手心留下 密密麻麻 深深浅浅的刀割

你不是真正的快乐 你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂 关在永远 锁上的躯壳

这世界 笑了 于是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则 不是 你的选择
于是你 含着眼泪 飘飘荡荡 跌跌撞撞的走着

你不是真正的快乐 你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂 关在永远 锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐 你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧 却像隔着银河
难道就真的 抱着遗憾 一直到老了 然后才后悔着

你不是真正的快乐 你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂 关在永远 锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐 你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧 却像隔着银河
难道就真的 抱着遗憾 一直到老了

你值得真正的快乐 你应该脱下你穿的保护色
为什么失去了 还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让 悲伤全部 结束在此刻 重新开始活着

New Year New Hope?!

Ya, it is now Year 2009 liaoz.. Spent my time at the Warren Country Club Bowling Alley to have the new year countdown, and kissing the gals around (can check out the facebook pictures).. Did have fun that day.. But then was feeling bad also cos have left Xavier with my MIL that night.. Should have the countdown with him, since it is the first new year celebration for him..

On the new year day itself, I received an sms from colleague saying that we have a colleague killed in the BKK fire, and one was missing at that point of time. I was shocked cos that colleague was quite a nice guy, at least I have a easier time working with him than his 'boss'.. After that went back to office on Fri, and most of us were discussing on the death and praying for the miracle of the other who was confirmed dead in the recent news. I did not went to the wake of the colleague as I just have Xavier and I do not want to lost control of my emotions (crying) during the wake. However, when I reached home the day before of the 'Chu Bing', I hugged Ben Dan and cried. I'm still feeling bad that I did not managed to send my colleague off to his last journey.. But still hope that he will rest in peace..

When Year 2008 is coming to end and the starting of Year 2009, the world is like having a lot of problems e.g. recession, terrorism, innocent people killed etc.. Suddenly felt that everything is getting more and more messy than when I was in my teenage years.. I did not really know how to face this world now..

I always tell my mum or some friends that now my thinking is to live one day by one day.. But then whenever I read the news or hearing from Ben Dan, bad things seems like increasing.. When will it stop? I really wonder.. Can I still be living as happy as before? Ya, I know some will say that it is how you choose, but then when times are hard and demoralising, is it really possible for you to choose to be happy all the while? I think I can only choose to pick myself up whenever I can.. Haha..

Now I am getting more and more de-energised in the things I am doing.. Be it work, taking care of the family, and others, I sometimes just really feel like throwing everything away and just leave.. But then where can I go? Can I really throw them away?

Work is getting neither here nor there now.. I know I am slacking a lot, but then I still do not know how to continue.. I cannot quit just like that since I need to be responsible for Xavier now. Life is short, yes, this I know.. Live your life well, yes, I also know about this.. But, saying is forever easier than action.. I can console my friends with the above words, but can I do it myself? Puzzled..

Perhaps for some who is reading this will feel that I am feeling really down at this point of time.. I must admit, YES.. Haha... Think it is the point of time when I need to be really down down down emotionally then I can learn to stand and pick myself up.. At least I think I have Xavier to provide me the strength to move on, and Ben Dan there to support me, though there are still some of the things between us which I need to overcome..

To my dear friends who are reading my blog and this article, do not have to worry about me, life is all about up and down.. Think it is another milestone that I have to overcome..

Nevertheless, let's all hope this new year 2009 will get better than year 2008, perhaps much much better.. Let's pray hard, and work hard also..

HAPPY NEW YEAR :)