New Year New Hope?!

Ya, it is now Year 2009 liaoz.. Spent my time at the Warren Country Club Bowling Alley to have the new year countdown, and kissing the gals around (can check out the facebook pictures).. Did have fun that day.. But then was feeling bad also cos have left Xavier with my MIL that night.. Should have the countdown with him, since it is the first new year celebration for him..

On the new year day itself, I received an sms from colleague saying that we have a colleague killed in the BKK fire, and one was missing at that point of time. I was shocked cos that colleague was quite a nice guy, at least I have a easier time working with him than his 'boss'.. After that went back to office on Fri, and most of us were discussing on the death and praying for the miracle of the other who was confirmed dead in the recent news. I did not went to the wake of the colleague as I just have Xavier and I do not want to lost control of my emotions (crying) during the wake. However, when I reached home the day before of the 'Chu Bing', I hugged Ben Dan and cried. I'm still feeling bad that I did not managed to send my colleague off to his last journey.. But still hope that he will rest in peace..

When Year 2008 is coming to end and the starting of Year 2009, the world is like having a lot of problems e.g. recession, terrorism, innocent people killed etc.. Suddenly felt that everything is getting more and more messy than when I was in my teenage years.. I did not really know how to face this world now..

I always tell my mum or some friends that now my thinking is to live one day by one day.. But then whenever I read the news or hearing from Ben Dan, bad things seems like increasing.. When will it stop? I really wonder.. Can I still be living as happy as before? Ya, I know some will say that it is how you choose, but then when times are hard and demoralising, is it really possible for you to choose to be happy all the while? I think I can only choose to pick myself up whenever I can.. Haha..

Now I am getting more and more de-energised in the things I am doing.. Be it work, taking care of the family, and others, I sometimes just really feel like throwing everything away and just leave.. But then where can I go? Can I really throw them away?

Work is getting neither here nor there now.. I know I am slacking a lot, but then I still do not know how to continue.. I cannot quit just like that since I need to be responsible for Xavier now. Life is short, yes, this I know.. Live your life well, yes, I also know about this.. But, saying is forever easier than action.. I can console my friends with the above words, but can I do it myself? Puzzled..

Perhaps for some who is reading this will feel that I am feeling really down at this point of time.. I must admit, YES.. Haha... Think it is the point of time when I need to be really down down down emotionally then I can learn to stand and pick myself up.. At least I think I have Xavier to provide me the strength to move on, and Ben Dan there to support me, though there are still some of the things between us which I need to overcome..

To my dear friends who are reading my blog and this article, do not have to worry about me, life is all about up and down.. Think it is another milestone that I have to overcome..

Nevertheless, let's all hope this new year 2009 will get better than year 2008, perhaps much much better.. Let's pray hard, and work hard also..

HAPPY NEW YEAR :)