my mood is becoming bad recently. too many things occurred at a go, regardless whether it is just my imagination due to my too-sensitive nature, or it is really happening around me. i dun really enjoy the feeling i am having now. took me some times to decide if to blog this down.. but anyway, it is the place where i can put my thoughts in.. so why not.. haha..
i want to quit my job, and it is a 'wanting to' badly.. haha.. been planning and did sent out a few, but guess the recession has hit all in a pretty bad way, so no news till now. been in the same company for so many years, not much progress and then quite stagnant. din went for overseas training cos i do not foresee myself staying long, but yet i am going to spend 8 years here.. 8 YEARS!!! i din know i can tahan in a place for so long, cos counting primary school only 6 years, secondary is 4 years and in poly is 3 years.. i am impressed. now i am not sure if it is because i take things too personally, thus a lot of things to me seems rather unfair and feeling not taken care of. i become really the 'ice' in the office. dun talk much, lunch also like to stay at own cube and eat, a lone-ranger. realise i should really walk out and try other stuffs. but always held back by the lacking in courage.
i know i am considered a lucky gal. at least i managed to get a job quite fast after my poly gradudation. even though i know this job is not to my liking, but at that period, the time and pay really make my day. plus, i enjoy the company of my old colleagues even though i know they have doubts in my abilities and my laziness.. haha.. though i always complain abt my boss, but then she is always helping me (in a way) whenever i needed. but then since the years passed, people come people go.. things and people really will change, even though you face the same faces everyday. haha.. i guess i really need to escape and start afresh.. just need to pluck my whole courage from my body and soul..
recession times now but yet i can see people just do to their likings. the person whom i hoped not have already quit her job. she claimed she wanna spend more time with her children due to their behaviour now. i have doubts, really. when i see the way she handling the child, i am scared. somemore she will have more times to play with xavier. haha.. i hope i wun get crazy and start to quarrel with her, thus i must learn to handle my emotions and attitude more.
as a mother, i have to admit, i am the possessive one. i am now having the feeling of being a failure as a mother cos my son stick to his grandparents more than me. dear mr lim mentioned that at least i might be in the top 5 of son's list. but then i still can't take it. i am becoming not sure how to handle the little son of mine. i almost give up last sat when i happened to be alone with him. with the occurrence of some head bumping incidents, i am getting more and more paranoid when he starting his crawling and climbing etc. then have to endure his crying for carrying when i am busy doing works around the house.
aware of someone else's affairs sometimes can be interesting or troubled. cos i am not sure how to console the people involved though i know my attitude towards them will not change. perhaps i am rather practical in relationship (with a bit of disbelief), i can't really understand the rational of accepting someone so unworthy of the love given, since the person have performed the act of betrayal. fighting for such person should be the last things the partners do, but yet now they are playing the tug-of-wars for him. what a joke... at least i am seeing it as a big joke.. i wish i can just walk up and give the person one tight slap for being the jerk.
well.. guess it is good for me to open up in my blogging.. at least the feelings are relieved a bit. just hope that the next time i blog, it will be a happy event.. i can't having my blog telling sad and unhappy stories all the while. must have something interesting and happy to brighten up. i am 'dark' enough for people to recognise me.. hahahahaahaaa ;p
3 comments:
lol...i agree..i did wondered for a whole 2 mths whether he should be re-accepted and forgiven after how he made me a devil to pple ard him, lies after lies and betrayals after betrayals and not even a 0.01% of such a similar case was done to him..And becos I was made such a devil, pple somewhat pity him more than me..should unconditional love include accept being hurt again and again? This is probably where venus and mars differ. The next time this happens, u'll not be the only one to give him the slap, include me too...
i guess perhaps because you do not really know his friends well. none is supporting his actions. talks, advice, scolding are all done, but the final choice belong to him as we are in no position to make the decision for him.
maybe you should give yourself a chance to know the friends better. and you might come to know how they feel about him and the whole incident. but then think the first step is always hard.. haha ;p
nevertheless, to forgive or not, is your choice. you have my blessings and wishes regardless of the choices made.. stay strong :)
lol..not exclusive to the ones u and i know... if you know the way he expressed to them...
the whole world is really the whole world : amounting to 90% on his msn list...haha...more of pple who knew only him... those who solely believed his side of the story..
if it's only that grp you're mentioning, prob i'll just hack care :p
environment which I was brought up already given me the "skill" to ignore pple's views liao..when your own mum can betray u for a mere $300 for gambling or push you to face loansharks alone and your sisters who don't even treat u as a sis, and family members who doesn't care for nor help one another, but will look for u when they're involved in trouble.. it's where self-protection sets in...haha..
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