好奇怪,明明没有哭,
但总有一种哭后的失落感。。
最近听歌听得很空洞,
可能有太多歌曲流动,
让耳朵听得累了,
就算是评语高的歌,
也未能像以前般的牵动着我。。
唱起来也显得有心无力。。
烦心的事太多,
心被一层暗暗的云盖住了,
光彩没了,笑容也少了,
是想太多,还是心结放不开,
我想两者都有吧。。
不应为此困住,
但不理又谈何容易,
虽知解脱之法实简,
可做出的勇气很多。。
简单如我,
得快快走出阴霾的世界。。
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
林家故事：thepokgui.blogspot.com
have just created a family blog recently, URL as per above, to post most of the family events and memories in. like that at least ben dan can also update the blog w/o affecting my own blog.. though i am not so sure how long will he update (or if he will update?!).. haha ;p
Thursday, June 18, 2009
silence is golden
should have remember & practise this as it's been one of my beliefs since long time ago, then i will not get myself into unnecessary situation, even though it is just a thought of mine. all said and done, i do not regret and will not mention anymore.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
the moody me
my mood is becoming bad recently. too many things occurred at a go, regardless whether it is just my imagination due to my too-sensitive nature, or it is really happening around me. i dun really enjoy the feeling i am having now. took me some times to decide if to blog this down.. but anyway, it is the place where i can put my thoughts in.. so why not.. haha..
i want to quit my job, and it is a 'wanting to' badly.. haha.. been planning and did sent out a few, but guess the recession has hit all in a pretty bad way, so no news till now. been in the same company for so many years, not much progress and then quite stagnant. din went for overseas training cos i do not foresee myself staying long, but yet i am going to spend 8 years here.. 8 YEARS!!! i din know i can tahan in a place for so long, cos counting primary school only 6 years, secondary is 4 years and in poly is 3 years.. i am impressed. now i am not sure if it is because i take things too personally, thus a lot of things to me seems rather unfair and feeling not taken care of. i become really the 'ice' in the office. dun talk much, lunch also like to stay at own cube and eat, a lone-ranger. realise i should really walk out and try other stuffs. but always held back by the lacking in courage.
i know i am considered a lucky gal. at least i managed to get a job quite fast after my poly gradudation. even though i know this job is not to my liking, but at that period, the time and pay really make my day. plus, i enjoy the company of my old colleagues even though i know they have doubts in my abilities and my laziness.. haha.. though i always complain abt my boss, but then she is always helping me (in a way) whenever i needed. but then since the years passed, people come people go.. things and people really will change, even though you face the same faces everyday. haha.. i guess i really need to escape and start afresh.. just need to pluck my whole courage from my body and soul..
recession times now but yet i can see people just do to their likings. the person whom i hoped not have already quit her job. she claimed she wanna spend more time with her children due to their behaviour now. i have doubts, really. when i see the way she handling the child, i am scared. somemore she will have more times to play with xavier. haha.. i hope i wun get crazy and start to quarrel with her, thus i must learn to handle my emotions and attitude more.
as a mother, i have to admit, i am the possessive one. i am now having the feeling of being a failure as a mother cos my son stick to his grandparents more than me. dear mr lim mentioned that at least i might be in the top 5 of son's list. but then i still can't take it. i am becoming not sure how to handle the little son of mine. i almost give up last sat when i happened to be alone with him. with the occurrence of some head bumping incidents, i am getting more and more paranoid when he starting his crawling and climbing etc. then have to endure his crying for carrying when i am busy doing works around the house.
aware of someone else's affairs sometimes can be interesting or troubled. cos i am not sure how to console the people involved though i know my attitude towards them will not change. perhaps i am rather practical in relationship (with a bit of disbelief), i can't really understand the rational of accepting someone so unworthy of the love given, since the person have performed the act of betrayal. fighting for such person should be the last things the partners do, but yet now they are playing the tug-of-wars for him. what a joke... at least i am seeing it as a big joke.. i wish i can just walk up and give the person one tight slap for being the jerk.
well.. guess it is good for me to open up in my blogging.. at least the feelings are relieved a bit. just hope that the next time i blog, it will be a happy event.. i can't having my blog telling sad and unhappy stories all the while. must have something interesting and happy to brighten up. i am 'dark' enough for people to recognise me.. hahahahaahaaa ;p
i want to quit my job, and it is a 'wanting to' badly.. haha.. been planning and did sent out a few, but guess the recession has hit all in a pretty bad way, so no news till now. been in the same company for so many years, not much progress and then quite stagnant. din went for overseas training cos i do not foresee myself staying long, but yet i am going to spend 8 years here.. 8 YEARS!!! i din know i can tahan in a place for so long, cos counting primary school only 6 years, secondary is 4 years and in poly is 3 years.. i am impressed. now i am not sure if it is because i take things too personally, thus a lot of things to me seems rather unfair and feeling not taken care of. i become really the 'ice' in the office. dun talk much, lunch also like to stay at own cube and eat, a lone-ranger. realise i should really walk out and try other stuffs. but always held back by the lacking in courage.
i know i am considered a lucky gal. at least i managed to get a job quite fast after my poly gradudation. even though i know this job is not to my liking, but at that period, the time and pay really make my day. plus, i enjoy the company of my old colleagues even though i know they have doubts in my abilities and my laziness.. haha.. though i always complain abt my boss, but then she is always helping me (in a way) whenever i needed. but then since the years passed, people come people go.. things and people really will change, even though you face the same faces everyday. haha.. i guess i really need to escape and start afresh.. just need to pluck my whole courage from my body and soul..
recession times now but yet i can see people just do to their likings. the person whom i hoped not have already quit her job. she claimed she wanna spend more time with her children due to their behaviour now. i have doubts, really. when i see the way she handling the child, i am scared. somemore she will have more times to play with xavier. haha.. i hope i wun get crazy and start to quarrel with her, thus i must learn to handle my emotions and attitude more.
as a mother, i have to admit, i am the possessive one. i am now having the feeling of being a failure as a mother cos my son stick to his grandparents more than me. dear mr lim mentioned that at least i might be in the top 5 of son's list. but then i still can't take it. i am becoming not sure how to handle the little son of mine. i almost give up last sat when i happened to be alone with him. with the occurrence of some head bumping incidents, i am getting more and more paranoid when he starting his crawling and climbing etc. then have to endure his crying for carrying when i am busy doing works around the house.
aware of someone else's affairs sometimes can be interesting or troubled. cos i am not sure how to console the people involved though i know my attitude towards them will not change. perhaps i am rather practical in relationship (with a bit of disbelief), i can't really understand the rational of accepting someone so unworthy of the love given, since the person have performed the act of betrayal. fighting for such person should be the last things the partners do, but yet now they are playing the tug-of-wars for him. what a joke... at least i am seeing it as a big joke.. i wish i can just walk up and give the person one tight slap for being the jerk.
well.. guess it is good for me to open up in my blogging.. at least the feelings are relieved a bit. just hope that the next time i blog, it will be a happy event.. i can't having my blog telling sad and unhappy stories all the while. must have something interesting and happy to brighten up. i am 'dark' enough for people to recognise me.. hahahahaahaaa ;p
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