looking back at the old photos taken for baby xavier, it is really heart-warming to see my little prince has grown from a small infant who likes to cry and sleep alot in the bed, w/o me worrying that he will fall from bed cos he haven't mastered the rolling over tactics, to a bigger baby who can roll from one place to another and asking for 'bao bao' when place sitting upright.. from milk drinking to a solid-food munching baby, daily poo poo to maybe not so frequent (everytime he poo, i am like strike lottery and happily clearing his poo.. haha ;p).. me still waiting for the moment he will be able to crawl and standing up..
the miracle of lives is always happening around us, it is up to us whether we are willing to open our senses to learn to feel it. recently have seen 2 cases of abandoned babies, which twisted my heart a bit on the thought of why the mother can be steel-heart to just put their new-borne in some places and went away, leading to death of one baby..
but then, i do not know the rational behind the mother's action. perhaps they have reasonable explanation for their doings. i can understand raising a child is not that easy. the stress level, be it physical, mental, emotion, financial etc, is very overwhelming. took me sometimes to get over the difficult phases, though at times i have been complaining, but i know my ben dan is always there for me and our xavier..
somehow, it is all worth it when i see a smiling face from someone who always wanna me carry when he sees me. and the way he keeps attacking the toys around him and start his biting skills.. the excitement he shows when he see milk bottle and foods on his way, with his mouth wide-opened..
i must admit, i might not be the good mother in accord to some of the new mothers around me. i need some private time with ben dan and will left him with mil or my mum just to catch time for a date or movie. and i will spank him (gently) if he started to kick fuss, and raise my voice a bit when he is really getting on my nerves. i don't think i fit into the 'love education' which is greatly adores by most mothers now.. haha ;p
but YES, I DO LOVE MY SON.. and i am proud whenever i introduce him to my friends etc. if being good mother means that scolding is out when the child is getting out of hand, and giving in all the times, then i guess you can fail me.. don't get me wrong, i don't encourage anyhow scolding and beating on just to insist that your thinking is right.
the inner nature of child might be decided when he/she arrives to this world, but the up-bringing by parents played a major part. hearing stories and working in a childcare environment before, i realise that some of the children now are rather self-centred and pampered (forgive me for bring blunt), and their actions are hard for me to understand since the parents are so highly educated. maybe our system of raising a child has changed until i can't anticipate.
i believe in knowing the nature of your child and put the appropriate approach in getting the child understand and listening. of cos, i must learn to be a listening party. but knowing myself, there is more that i need to learn in handling these situation when xavier is older. saying is always easier, and doing is the real test. again, i have far more to catch up to realise this talk of mine.. haha ;p
having being a child, teenage, young adult, i know when children are older, they will have their own world, having their own friends where they will confide mostly on, going out for activities and not coming back for dinner, perhaps getting a partner and have their own families. this is part and parcel of life, which i think everyone will go through. i guess i would need to learn to let go when this comes. but i will try to hold my child close whenever possible.
now, i appreciate more on the things my parent did for me, though there are times i still can't help it but to talk back sometimes, and get angry when my child-like father gets on my nerves..
well, think i will wait for another 10 more years or so before facing these situations, so meanwhile, guess i will watch with appreciation that xavier is growing well under the love and care by family and friends, waiting for him to reach each milestone...
turtle's thought of the day.. hehe ;p
