矛盾，相信?!

原来陷入矛盾的情况真的有时让人很无所事从。
眼看到，跟听闻的，让我感觉有点错乱。
该相信谁呢？

我信眼前的一切，因太常发生了。
但听到的，又不能完全不认同。。

想想，我还是置之度外好了，
别再踏入进去，免得中箭而不知。。

哈哈哈。。

心的烦

心境一直很难平静，尤其是有了喜悦后，
不想他对着某些人，但我不可以有明显的动作，
只因他们是亲人。。

无奈，但也无可奈何。。
过了昨晚，心里的烦躁有增无减。
喜悦还小，不会明白为什么我的抗拒。
我自知他虽我的小孩，
我仍然不能剥夺他与他人玩乐的权利。。

烦了很久，但我又不能太心急，
还得保持心境开朗，
就为了我的小喜悦。

希望一切能够天从人愿吧。。

2009 to 2010

have spent the new year eve like any other days of my life. went back to mil's hse for dinner, then fetch my sonny home, play and coax him to sleep.. then went off to play computer and doze off at study room's sofa to wait for the new year to kick in.. at 12am, after a new year kiss from ben dan, went off to dreamland wif sonny liaoz..

a quiet but feel good new year crossing over :)

在2009的最后一天

12月31日是今年的最后一天，
意味着2009 要到尾声了。。

今年虽不多灾多难，
但还是逃不过很多不开心的事情。
家里问题，有亲人离世或身体不适进院，
钱财困扰，事业不顺，
无辜被卷入人家的感情纠纷，小孩烦恼等。
想想，算是不平坦的吧。

哭了，痛了，冷了，淡了，全都过去了。。
但想笑，突然觉得好难。。
以为拥有的，原来离我很远。

既然是最后的一天，
该把这一切不开心的抛掉。。

2010年应该会好一点，
至少我希望好一点，
人能积极一点，
不要再钻牛角尖，
开怀并心宽一点，
笑容多一点，让人也会开朗一点，
身体也好一点。。

好事都多一点。。
坏事少很多点。。

还好2009年有带给我一件好事，
而会在2010延续并实现。
我的新希望与喜悦。
所以我对2010有多一份的期待。

不过，这也意味着我得做个决定，
一个可能会让我后悔不已的决定。
不想去想，但它会在脑海里挥之不去。

等时间到了，一切该会明朗。。

好了，都最后一天，
不要再不开心了，
应该开心痛快的迎接新的一年。。

祝我所有的亲人，朋友，同事，
把所有不快乐都忘了，
2010年能快快乐乐，心想事成，
事事能顺心顺意。。

我们一起加油吧 :)

厌。。

原来当你对一些人与事开始产生厌倦的时候，你会开始选择尽量地去回避接触。不管曾经你有多么的在乎它，对它爱不释手。人如此，事也如此。

人，只因成长的环境的不同，面对认识的人不同，就算曾好，时间和经历会把好过的两人的距离渐渐拉远。不是谁和谁的错，只是我们未能为对方停下。喜新厌旧感，有时会让你无所适从。现在，可以对某人某事而新奇，雀跃，但下分钟，却心意阑珊，兴趣不再。。

会觉得可悲，但我是矛盾的。因我的喜与恶的感觉太强，其中的变换也太快，很快从喜变恶，或恶变喜。我不想选择逃避，但面对很辛苦。苦了别人，也苦了自己。。

to give up

how i hope to get away the thing that have held on for the past years.. but then, given the status now, i am still needing to hold on to it..

argh.. i hope i can really give up and get away once possible.. this time i really need to make up and do it before i make myself more crazy.. hahaha...

a thought after watching 'my sister's keeper'

well, have watched the movie at Vivo GV Gold Class yesterday which was my birthday as well.. haha.. i guess i shouldn't have watched the show that day cos it was bringing tears to my eyes throughout. should have watched something less emotional since i can really cry easily nowadays.. my hormones has changed a lot.. hahahaaha...

dun ask me to review the show cos i myself is in a dilemma and upset after watching. i can understand the struggle of the mother, who wants to ensure the living of the sick daughter, but to give birth to another, and to make her the supplier of the live organs and blood etc to the sick. still, i can't really make myself to agree. both are the flesh and blood of her.. it is unfair, but who can say she is wrong? i will not say that..

i guess the lucky portion is that the younger one who is engineered to be the 'supplier' share a strong bond with her sister. i realised towards the end, she doesn't really mind giving her stuffs to her sister to prolong her living. though it is cruel to her and having people misunderstanding her (due to the suing and trial), but she does want to help her sister.

when it is the time to let go.. ones have to learn to let go.. if not suffering and unhappiness will come knocking. shall not mentioned much of the plot, for the sake of those who still wanna watch the movie :)

being a mother and daughter, i do hope the best of the health for my family. i know when one is down, the chain reaction on every person, be it sorrow or worries. just like when my mother was diagnosed with cancer few years back. luckily i have her back to my life. i can't imagine my life w/o her. call me a mommy gal but i really love her..

watching the show make me realize more that i should cherish my family, especially the big and small in my own family and protect them within my means. i want them to be in the best of health (oh did i repeat it?) and be happy..

i pray for all my family members and friends to be happy and healthy. hope you be praying for me as well :)