time to move on and treat myself better..

with the new family member, my dear 2nd son Yorick, in into my life, can't help feeling that i am a bit overwhelmed by the taking care of a newborn baby.. the joy, happy and the tiredness he brings me. when i hold him to sleep in my arms, kissing him, bathing him etc, and with feeding as one of the moments i am scared of, i know i am loving him more and more each day.

however, his arrival made me think that i should have done more for him and xavier as my 2 sons are my blessings. it is time for me to move on, first thing is to change my job. i just have my promotion, and leaving now seems a bit weird. but then, i need to have a change and hoping the new job will allow me to have more night times with my boys. the time now i have with them is little though sometimes i hope to have some 'ME' time.

also, i need to take care of my health more. after the confinement, i was down with fever for almost a week. the temperature was like stock market, up and down frequently. wanna kill myself then.. lolx.. it is really torturing to be sick and not able to do anything. been taking supplement and chinese herbs to boost my system. better than nothing. my mil has asked me to go visit chinese sinseh, and still i have yet to move my butt.. haha..

gonna spend more time with my own family too. no doubt we all have our differences, but then they are my family and i have to learn to love them more. i am really sorry to my mum who always panic when i called her during my weak moments, making her not able to sleep and called me back in tears fearing her daughter well-being. SORRY MUMMY :)

treat myself better, ya, have to dote myself more.. cannot always adapt to others and forget about me.. even i feel angry or unhappy, who cares? haha.. guess i have learnt to forget these feelings and just move on..

ok.. gotta see my boys liaoz.. mummy misses them.. haha.. ;p

my envy to Stay-At-Home-Mother (SAHM)

well, i always envy those gals who can stay at home taking care of their kids, going through with them each and every of the milestones that their kiddos are achieving. have been reading a blog of one such mummy (or i must said i am quite a fan of her blog), who i really admire her patience when raising 2 boys. ya, staying at home with kids at young age will drive you crazy, like with my big sonny now. but then i guess the joy of watching him grow will cover all the craziness. lolx..

guess my days of becoming a SAHM will be quite far and impossible, considering the finance etc. perhaps let's just pray that there will be such a day soon :)

要求

是我要求太多？
总感觉不到他在身边。

放下，不是放弃，
我想放过自己，
让自己好过一点。。

一切会更好吧 :)

坚持

原来想要坚持的事情真的很难。

以为拥有的支持，
能在一瞬，化为乌有。

信心与信任，开始崩裂，
但我不能倒下或放弃，
就算是我孤身作战，
也一定要坚持我相信的。

眼泪提醒我，要再坚强点。。

或许，也要学会如何拿捏，
才不会让自己那么无助。

我会坚持下去的。。

矛盾，相信?!

原来陷入矛盾的情况真的有时让人很无所事从。
眼看到，跟听闻的，让我感觉有点错乱。
该相信谁呢？

我信眼前的一切，因太常发生了。
但听到的，又不能完全不认同。。

想想，我还是置之度外好了，
别再踏入进去，免得中箭而不知。。

哈哈哈。。

心的烦

心境一直很难平静，尤其是有了喜悦后，
不想他对着某些人，但我不可以有明显的动作，
只因他们是亲人。。

无奈，但也无可奈何。。
过了昨晚，心里的烦躁有增无减。
喜悦还小，不会明白为什么我的抗拒。
我自知他虽我的小孩，
我仍然不能剥夺他与他人玩乐的权利。。

烦了很久，但我又不能太心急，
还得保持心境开朗，
就为了我的小喜悦。

希望一切能够天从人愿吧。。

2009 to 2010

have spent the new year eve like any other days of my life. went back to mil's hse for dinner, then fetch my sonny home, play and coax him to sleep.. then went off to play computer and doze off at study room's sofa to wait for the new year to kick in.. at 12am, after a new year kiss from ben dan, went off to dreamland wif sonny liaoz..

a quiet but feel good new year crossing over :)