Wednesday, June 24, 2009
林家故事：thepokgui.blogspot.com
have just created a family blog recently, URL as per above, to post most of the family events and memories in. like that at least ben dan can also update the blog w/o affecting my own blog.. though i am not so sure how long will he update (or if he will update?!).. haha ;p
Thursday, June 18, 2009
silence is golden
should have remember & practise this as it's been one of my beliefs since long time ago, then i will not get myself into unnecessary situation, even though it is just a thought of mine. all said and done, i do not regret and will not mention anymore.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
the moody me
my mood is becoming bad recently. too many things occurred at a go, regardless whether it is just my imagination due to my too-sensitive nature, or it is really happening around me. i dun really enjoy the feeling i am having now. took me some times to decide if to blog this down.. but anyway, it is the place where i can put my thoughts in.. so why not.. haha..
i want to quit my job, and it is a 'wanting to' badly.. haha.. been planning and did sent out a few, but guess the recession has hit all in a pretty bad way, so no news till now. been in the same company for so many years, not much progress and then quite stagnant. din went for overseas training cos i do not foresee myself staying long, but yet i am going to spend 8 years here.. 8 YEARS!!! i din know i can tahan in a place for so long, cos counting primary school only 6 years, secondary is 4 years and in poly is 3 years.. i am impressed. now i am not sure if it is because i take things too personally, thus a lot of things to me seems rather unfair and feeling not taken care of. i become really the 'ice' in the office. dun talk much, lunch also like to stay at own cube and eat, a lone-ranger. realise i should really walk out and try other stuffs. but always held back by the lacking in courage.
i know i am considered a lucky gal. at least i managed to get a job quite fast after my poly gradudation. even though i know this job is not to my liking, but at that period, the time and pay really make my day. plus, i enjoy the company of my old colleagues even though i know they have doubts in my abilities and my laziness.. haha.. though i always complain abt my boss, but then she is always helping me (in a way) whenever i needed. but then since the years passed, people come people go.. things and people really will change, even though you face the same faces everyday. haha.. i guess i really need to escape and start afresh.. just need to pluck my whole courage from my body and soul..
recession times now but yet i can see people just do to their likings. the person whom i hoped not have already quit her job. she claimed she wanna spend more time with her children due to their behaviour now. i have doubts, really. when i see the way she handling the child, i am scared. somemore she will have more times to play with xavier. haha.. i hope i wun get crazy and start to quarrel with her, thus i must learn to handle my emotions and attitude more.
as a mother, i have to admit, i am the possessive one. i am now having the feeling of being a failure as a mother cos my son stick to his grandparents more than me. dear mr lim mentioned that at least i might be in the top 5 of son's list. but then i still can't take it. i am becoming not sure how to handle the little son of mine. i almost give up last sat when i happened to be alone with him. with the occurrence of some head bumping incidents, i am getting more and more paranoid when he starting his crawling and climbing etc. then have to endure his crying for carrying when i am busy doing works around the house.
aware of someone else's affairs sometimes can be interesting or troubled. cos i am not sure how to console the people involved though i know my attitude towards them will not change. perhaps i am rather practical in relationship (with a bit of disbelief), i can't really understand the rational of accepting someone so unworthy of the love given, since the person have performed the act of betrayal. fighting for such person should be the last things the partners do, but yet now they are playing the tug-of-wars for him. what a joke... at least i am seeing it as a big joke.. i wish i can just walk up and give the person one tight slap for being the jerk.
well.. guess it is good for me to open up in my blogging.. at least the feelings are relieved a bit. just hope that the next time i blog, it will be a happy event.. i can't having my blog telling sad and unhappy stories all the while. must have something interesting and happy to brighten up. i am 'dark' enough for people to recognise me.. hahahahaahaaa ;p
i want to quit my job, and it is a 'wanting to' badly.. haha.. been planning and did sent out a few, but guess the recession has hit all in a pretty bad way, so no news till now. been in the same company for so many years, not much progress and then quite stagnant. din went for overseas training cos i do not foresee myself staying long, but yet i am going to spend 8 years here.. 8 YEARS!!! i din know i can tahan in a place for so long, cos counting primary school only 6 years, secondary is 4 years and in poly is 3 years.. i am impressed. now i am not sure if it is because i take things too personally, thus a lot of things to me seems rather unfair and feeling not taken care of. i become really the 'ice' in the office. dun talk much, lunch also like to stay at own cube and eat, a lone-ranger. realise i should really walk out and try other stuffs. but always held back by the lacking in courage.
i know i am considered a lucky gal. at least i managed to get a job quite fast after my poly gradudation. even though i know this job is not to my liking, but at that period, the time and pay really make my day. plus, i enjoy the company of my old colleagues even though i know they have doubts in my abilities and my laziness.. haha.. though i always complain abt my boss, but then she is always helping me (in a way) whenever i needed. but then since the years passed, people come people go.. things and people really will change, even though you face the same faces everyday. haha.. i guess i really need to escape and start afresh.. just need to pluck my whole courage from my body and soul..
recession times now but yet i can see people just do to their likings. the person whom i hoped not have already quit her job. she claimed she wanna spend more time with her children due to their behaviour now. i have doubts, really. when i see the way she handling the child, i am scared. somemore she will have more times to play with xavier. haha.. i hope i wun get crazy and start to quarrel with her, thus i must learn to handle my emotions and attitude more.
as a mother, i have to admit, i am the possessive one. i am now having the feeling of being a failure as a mother cos my son stick to his grandparents more than me. dear mr lim mentioned that at least i might be in the top 5 of son's list. but then i still can't take it. i am becoming not sure how to handle the little son of mine. i almost give up last sat when i happened to be alone with him. with the occurrence of some head bumping incidents, i am getting more and more paranoid when he starting his crawling and climbing etc. then have to endure his crying for carrying when i am busy doing works around the house.
aware of someone else's affairs sometimes can be interesting or troubled. cos i am not sure how to console the people involved though i know my attitude towards them will not change. perhaps i am rather practical in relationship (with a bit of disbelief), i can't really understand the rational of accepting someone so unworthy of the love given, since the person have performed the act of betrayal. fighting for such person should be the last things the partners do, but yet now they are playing the tug-of-wars for him. what a joke... at least i am seeing it as a big joke.. i wish i can just walk up and give the person one tight slap for being the jerk.
well.. guess it is good for me to open up in my blogging.. at least the feelings are relieved a bit. just hope that the next time i blog, it will be a happy event.. i can't having my blog telling sad and unhappy stories all the while. must have something interesting and happy to brighten up. i am 'dark' enough for people to recognise me.. hahahahaahaaa ;p
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
should i?
really in dilemma, wonder if i should just let go and tell the person? even though the person is not in my books, but then i still not feeling comfortable of seeing the person to be in such position. but telling will make the whole thing more confused and hard to tidy.
wah... dilemma dilemma dilemma..
wah... dilemma dilemma dilemma..
Monday, May 25, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
miracle of life & parenthood..
looking back at the old photos taken for baby xavier, it is really heart-warming to see my little prince has grown from a small infant who likes to cry and sleep alot in the bed, w/o me worrying that he will fall from bed cos he haven't mastered the rolling over tactics, to a bigger baby who can roll from one place to another and asking for 'bao bao' when place sitting upright.. from milk drinking to a solid-food munching baby, daily poo poo to maybe not so frequent (everytime he poo, i am like strike lottery and happily clearing his poo.. haha ;p).. me still waiting for the moment he will be able to crawl and standing up..
the miracle of lives is always happening around us, it is up to us whether we are willing to open our senses to learn to feel it. recently have seen 2 cases of abandoned babies, which twisted my heart a bit on the thought of why the mother can be steel-heart to just put their new-borne in some places and went away, leading to death of one baby..
but then, i do not know the rational behind the mother's action. perhaps they have reasonable explanation for their doings. i can understand raising a child is not that easy. the stress level, be it physical, mental, emotion, financial etc, is very overwhelming. took me sometimes to get over the difficult phases, though at times i have been complaining, but i know my ben dan is always there for me and our xavier..
somehow, it is all worth it when i see a smiling face from someone who always wanna me carry when he sees me. and the way he keeps attacking the toys around him and start his biting skills.. the excitement he shows when he see milk bottle and foods on his way, with his mouth wide-opened..
i must admit, i might not be the good mother in accord to some of the new mothers around me. i need some private time with ben dan and will left him with mil or my mum just to catch time for a date or movie. and i will spank him (gently) if he started to kick fuss, and raise my voice a bit when he is really getting on my nerves. i don't think i fit into the 'love education' which is greatly adores by most mothers now.. haha ;p
but YES, I DO LOVE MY SON.. and i am proud whenever i introduce him to my friends etc. if being good mother means that scolding is out when the child is getting out of hand, and giving in all the times, then i guess you can fail me.. don't get me wrong, i don't encourage anyhow scolding and beating on just to insist that your thinking is right.
the inner nature of child might be decided when he/she arrives to this world, but the up-bringing by parents played a major part. hearing stories and working in a childcare environment before, i realise that some of the children now are rather self-centred and pampered (forgive me for bring blunt), and their actions are hard for me to understand since the parents are so highly educated. maybe our system of raising a child has changed until i can't anticipate.
i believe in knowing the nature of your child and put the appropriate approach in getting the child understand and listening. of cos, i must learn to be a listening party. but knowing myself, there is more that i need to learn in handling these situation when xavier is older. saying is always easier, and doing is the real test. again, i have far more to catch up to realise this talk of mine.. haha ;p
having being a child, teenage, young adult, i know when children are older, they will have their own world, having their own friends where they will confide mostly on, going out for activities and not coming back for dinner, perhaps getting a partner and have their own families. this is part and parcel of life, which i think everyone will go through. i guess i would need to learn to let go when this comes. but i will try to hold my child close whenever possible.
now, i appreciate more on the things my parent did for me, though there are times i still can't help it but to talk back sometimes, and get angry when my child-like father gets on my nerves..
well, think i will wait for another 10 more years or so before facing these situations, so meanwhile, guess i will watch with appreciation that xavier is growing well under the love and care by family and friends, waiting for him to reach each milestone...
turtle's thought of the day.. hehe ;p
the miracle of lives is always happening around us, it is up to us whether we are willing to open our senses to learn to feel it. recently have seen 2 cases of abandoned babies, which twisted my heart a bit on the thought of why the mother can be steel-heart to just put their new-borne in some places and went away, leading to death of one baby..
but then, i do not know the rational behind the mother's action. perhaps they have reasonable explanation for their doings. i can understand raising a child is not that easy. the stress level, be it physical, mental, emotion, financial etc, is very overwhelming. took me sometimes to get over the difficult phases, though at times i have been complaining, but i know my ben dan is always there for me and our xavier..
somehow, it is all worth it when i see a smiling face from someone who always wanna me carry when he sees me. and the way he keeps attacking the toys around him and start his biting skills.. the excitement he shows when he see milk bottle and foods on his way, with his mouth wide-opened..
i must admit, i might not be the good mother in accord to some of the new mothers around me. i need some private time with ben dan and will left him with mil or my mum just to catch time for a date or movie. and i will spank him (gently) if he started to kick fuss, and raise my voice a bit when he is really getting on my nerves. i don't think i fit into the 'love education' which is greatly adores by most mothers now.. haha ;p
but YES, I DO LOVE MY SON.. and i am proud whenever i introduce him to my friends etc. if being good mother means that scolding is out when the child is getting out of hand, and giving in all the times, then i guess you can fail me.. don't get me wrong, i don't encourage anyhow scolding and beating on just to insist that your thinking is right.
the inner nature of child might be decided when he/she arrives to this world, but the up-bringing by parents played a major part. hearing stories and working in a childcare environment before, i realise that some of the children now are rather self-centred and pampered (forgive me for bring blunt), and their actions are hard for me to understand since the parents are so highly educated. maybe our system of raising a child has changed until i can't anticipate.
i believe in knowing the nature of your child and put the appropriate approach in getting the child understand and listening. of cos, i must learn to be a listening party. but knowing myself, there is more that i need to learn in handling these situation when xavier is older. saying is always easier, and doing is the real test. again, i have far more to catch up to realise this talk of mine.. haha ;p
having being a child, teenage, young adult, i know when children are older, they will have their own world, having their own friends where they will confide mostly on, going out for activities and not coming back for dinner, perhaps getting a partner and have their own families. this is part and parcel of life, which i think everyone will go through. i guess i would need to learn to let go when this comes. but i will try to hold my child close whenever possible.
now, i appreciate more on the things my parent did for me, though there are times i still can't help it but to talk back sometimes, and get angry when my child-like father gets on my nerves..
well, think i will wait for another 10 more years or so before facing these situations, so meanwhile, guess i will watch with appreciation that xavier is growing well under the love and care by family and friends, waiting for him to reach each milestone...
turtle's thought of the day.. hehe ;p
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