簡単の人

Moving On

2011-05-18T17:25:00.000+08:00

Actually, I realised I am the one that have not been moving on though I always tell others to move on. Kind of ironic, really.

I forgot to bring my hp to work, it is the second time so far, and I am debating in my head if to ask the cab to turn back and get my hp or I should just carry on my jourey to work. Then, I have decided to go on the journey instead. Trying out another day without my hp cos I know no one will call or msg me even I have it with me. I mean no family or friend will call me on normal days.

When I was buying lunch at coffee beans, I looked around me. Suddenly, a sense of loss came over me. I am thinking what has happened. Stuck in the job for almost a decade, having a husband and 2 kids, no one really to turn to when suffering an emotional crisis, family upside down, chaos and frustration everyday. I mean suddenly I realised I have no idea what kind of life I have signed up for.

Just like a sitting duck, everyday just waiting for the day to pass. Of cos, my consolation for the end of the day is to see my 2 fighting kiddos, and a husband who will listen sometimes, if I can keep him away from tv and his phone (he is gonna to protest about this statement. Lolx..). But seriously, what do I want? I have NO idea to that question.

Everyone in my maiden family have their own agenda. My mum worrys and sick of my dad, so she is complaining about him everytime I go back during Sundays. My sister is so sick of her husband and in-laws and on off she will keep talking and cursing about them, BUT she will never let go even though it is getting her to nothing. My brother, let’s just say he is too much of his own mind to bother about the rest of us.

In-law wise, I have great help from my mil, so I can’t complain much though sometimes I did things I did not meant to. If you know me, you should be aware that sometimes I will just live in my world and ignore stuff plus talk rubbish. Haha.. I always have problem facing my sil, why you will ask, but then somethings are still better kept unsaid, cos I think I have said too much and will be getting punished soon. Lolx. Fil, too seldom to see him around, but his mouth is often faster than his thinking, if you get what I mean. Bil wise, think he is too busy handling his wife’s emotion and children. Hehe..

My own family?

Well, Xavier has been a handful since Yr 2009, he is more than a stubborn kid and I guess patience is not really in me as sometimes I resort to accidental parenting. And everytime ended up remorse and regretful. Helpless most of the times. With the arrival of Yorick, things go haywire every now and then. But we pick up bits and pieces here and there.

Husband? He is good, still good. Maybe my expectation has risen, especially after the arrivals of our boys, so guess sometimes I hope to get more attention to him, at least hear me bitch when I feel like it. Haha.. I am lying if I say I do not have doubt in this marriage, but hey, I am a think-too-much gal, like it or not. Plus, I do not have faith in marriage or relationship since young, though I’m married for coming to 8 years?! Somemore, my hormones are really taking over me these days, so I am touchy and mean at times. It is already considered a miracle for me that we have been together for almost 12 YEARS!!!

Move On, Move On, Move On, but move to where? I am desperately out of passion and motivation. My career is not working well for me, and I am not really into making friends with colleagues anymore. Sitting in office is a killing to me. Face the endless mails but none interest me to work on immediately. Have to watch my mouth so I will not shoot anything stupid out of it. Job searching sounds so tedious and fearful. Haha..

Friend, friend, friend.. We all human beings need each other. I admit, I am not a good friend to some of the people in my life. So I cannot blame them for bailing me out. However, it take two hands to clap. If you are not willing to share and listen, there is nothing I can do and end up looking at you blankly. I do not want to be the only one doing the entertaining and talking, and getting slammed when you hear something different from your point of view. Anyway, there is always a part of me preferred to be a lone-ranger, as I do not have to watch out for the things I say, the crazy stuff I do, and to be judged. Much as I want to share feeling with people, I do not want them to judge me. Pride is playing I guess.

The waiting for lunch at coffee beans make me look around me. People laughing, people talking, and I felt so alone. When my boys grow up and husband engaged in his new job, I will be more alone. I know there is so many things I wanna do but I am in dilemma. I do not wish to miss times with my kids and left them in the mercy of sil. Haha.. Yes, I do not like her around them. I just feel I do not have the courage and energy to try something else and live a life of my own.

I want to call my friends out for dinner and fun, but everytime I try, I put the phone down, asking myself if I am really wanting to do it. I do not know the real intention, but the results will always be I put down the phone, and that is. Also, I can’t always ask my mil to look after them when I am not available, since she has been taking care of them for the days. She needs a break too. My dear hubby is very engaged in work and his world, so he can only take care of one and perhaps none if he is working overtime.

Dear God, from whichever religion, if you can hear my calls and cries, send me a signal, at least let me know where I should be heading. Feeling completely drained. What I need to really take the load off, if not, it will be crushing me hard. HELP ME MOVE ON!!!

心的累

2011-03-28T00:32:00.002+08:00

其实，我知道我的心很累。。
不用其他人说，我也知道。。

累得我，做了不想做的事，
很想逃避一切。

当我以为可以依靠的时候，
现实又狠狠地甩了我一巴。
只想，在我钻牛角尖的时候，
有人能好好听我说话，
但我想，可能对他来说，
是一个困扰吧。。

累了。。好累。。

my new toy : Tefal Rice Cooker

2010-12-23T16:43:00.002+08:00

i have been wanting to buy a new rice cooker to try out the recipes from books that i have bought online. but always hesitated bcos of the pricing and oso afraid that my lazy genes will start to act up whenever i wanna try.. nevertheless, ben dan bought for me the tefal rice cooker as my christmas present and i can't wait to try it out :)

妥协

2010-10-12T13:28:00.004+08:00

我想他是不明白的。

就算明白了，他还是有他的理论。
有时，觉得他真的有听到感觉到，
但原来那并不会改变任何事情。

我知道，我是幸运的，
跟一些人比，他真的很好。

只是，厌倦了，
每次的满心期待，
变成无奈的失望。。

怕失去，所以先低头，
想把不开心的带过去。

从开始的妥协与迁就，
已演变成现在的一个习惯。

可能是我不值得他的付出吧。

妥协得有点累了，真的累了。。

放弃?拥抱?

2010-10-01T16:50:00.002+08:00

假如我的世界是如此，
我应该放弃它，
还是继续拥抱呢？

Treasure..

2010-07-27T22:54:00.003+08:00

recently, my colleague has lost his 2 years old daughter who contracted pneumonia which leads to complications. the young girl has lost in the battle against the sickness and passed away. though i did not meet her before, but from the posting/pictures my colleague and his wife posted, she is a cute gal and a bright one as well.

perhaps being a mother changes my controlling of emotions, i cried when one of my colleagues informed me of the death. hearing the news makes all of us feel sorry and sad for the family. my deepest condolences to the family and hope the daughter will rest in peace.

being in the parenthood, i know it is a tough job, especially when now xavier is in his 'terrible two' phase (a guess of mine), and nurturing a young yorick, it can be quite tired and even tearful. have to handle their mood swing & tantrums, ensuring that they will not be learn the wrong ways of life from others etc. sometimes i just feel like leaving them aside when it gets too overwhelmed for me. however, deep down, i know i can't cos i love them and wanting to see them grow healthily, and to go through with them each single phase of their life, from infant to toddler, then young child to teenage and finally to adulthood. i treasure the moments with them. i hope they will be healthy and grow up as a happy & confident adults.

samson has also lost his grandmother during my confinement period. from what i know, she was the pillar, having all her grandchildren to love her deeply. the young ones visited and company her whenever they can, whether at home and during her stay in the hospital. they are filial and sensible, for which i am touched by it.

we must learn to treasure the moments with our loved ones more, and also taking care of ourselves so that we will be able to take care of them. with times where we have our differences and disagreement, we have to learn to be open-minded and compromise. saint i am not, as there are some portions of me still resisting the ideas to care for some people.

i pray for good health and well-being for my husband & sons, my parents, my siblings & their family, my parent-in-laws, brother-in-law & family, and of cos my friends..

I LOVE YOU :)

time to move on and treat myself better..

2010-07-04T12:45:00.003+08:00

with the new family member, my dear 2nd son Yorick, in into my life, can't help feeling that i am a bit overwhelmed by the taking care of a newborn baby.. the joy, happy and the tiredness he brings me. when i hold him to sleep in my arms, kissing him, bathing him etc, and with feeding as one of the moments i am scared of, i know i am loving him more and more each day.

however, his arrival made me think that i should have done more for him and xavier as my 2 sons are my blessings. it is time for me to move on, first thing is to change my job. i just have my promotion, and leaving now seems a bit weird. but then, i need to have a change and hoping the new job will allow me to have more night times with my boys. the time now i have with them is little though sometimes i hope to have some 'ME' time.

also, i need to take care of my health more. after the confinement, i was down with fever for almost a week. the temperature was like stock market, up and down frequently. wanna kill myself then.. lolx.. it is really torturing to be sick and not able to do anything. been taking supplement and chinese herbs to boost my system. better than nothing. my mil has asked me to go visit chinese sinseh, and still i have yet to move my butt.. haha..

gonna spend more time with my own family too. no doubt we all have our differences, but then they are my family and i have to learn to love them more. i am really sorry to my mum who always panic when i called her during my weak moments, making her not able to sleep and called me back in tears fearing her daughter well-being. SORRY MUMMY :)

treat myself better, ya, have to dote myself more.. cannot always adapt to others and forget about me.. even i feel angry or unhappy, who cares? haha.. guess i have learnt to forget these feelings and just move on..

ok.. gotta see my boys liaoz.. mummy misses them.. haha.. ;p

my envy to Stay-At-Home-Mother (SAHM)

2010-05-14T15:41:00.003+08:00

well, i always envy those gals who can stay at home taking care of their kids, going through with them each and every of the milestones that their kiddos are achieving. have been reading a blog of one such mummy (or i must said i am quite a fan of her blog), who i really admire her patience when raising 2 boys. ya, staying at home with kids at young age will drive you crazy, like with my big sonny now. but then i guess the joy of watching him grow will cover all the craziness. lolx..

guess my days of becoming a SAHM will be quite far and impossible, considering the finance etc. perhaps let's just pray that there will be such a day soon :)

要求

2010-05-13T11:50:00.001+08:00

是我要求太多？
总感觉不到他在身边。

放下，不是放弃，
我想放过自己，
让自己好过一点。。

一切会更好吧 :)

坚持

2010-05-06T10:47:00.004+08:00

原来想要坚持的事情真的很难。

以为拥有的支持，
能在一瞬，化为乌有。

信心与信任，开始崩裂，
但我不能倒下或放弃，
就算是我孤身作战，
也一定要坚持我相信的。

眼泪提醒我，要再坚强点。。

或许，也要学会如何拿捏，
才不会让自己那么无助。

我会坚持下去的。。

矛盾，相信?!

2010-04-13T14:20:00.002+08:00

原来陷入矛盾的情况真的有时让人很无所事从。
眼看到，跟听闻的，让我感觉有点错乱。
该相信谁呢？

我信眼前的一切，因太常发生了。
但听到的，又不能完全不认同。。

想想，我还是置之度外好了，
别再踏入进去，免得中箭而不知。。

哈哈哈。。

心的烦

2010-02-02T08:49:00.002+08:00

心境一直很难平静，尤其是有了喜悦后，
不想他对着某些人，但我不可以有明显的动作，
只因他们是亲人。。

无奈，但也无可奈何。。
过了昨晚，心里的烦躁有增无减。
喜悦还小，不会明白为什么我的抗拒。
我自知他虽我的小孩，
我仍然不能剥夺他与他人玩乐的权利。。

烦了很久，但我又不能太心急，
还得保持心境开朗，
就为了我的小喜悦。

希望一切能够天从人愿吧。。

2009 to 2010

2010-01-12T10:47:00.002+08:00

have spent the new year eve like any other days of my life. went back to mil's hse for dinner, then fetch my sonny home, play and coax him to sleep.. then went off to play computer and doze off at study room's sofa to wait for the new year to kick in.. at 12am, after a new year kiss from ben dan, went off to dreamland wif sonny liaoz..

a quiet but feel good new year crossing over :)

在2009的最后一天

2009-12-31T10:40:00.004+08:00

12月31日是今年的最后一天，
意味着2009 要到尾声了。。

今年虽不多灾多难，
但还是逃不过很多不开心的事情。
家里问题，有亲人离世或身体不适进院，
钱财困扰，事业不顺，
无辜被卷入人家的感情纠纷，小孩烦恼等。
想想，算是不平坦的吧。

哭了，痛了，冷了，淡了，全都过去了。。
但想笑，突然觉得好难。。
以为拥有的，原来离我很远。

既然是最后的一天，
该把这一切不开心的抛掉。。

2010年应该会好一点，
至少我希望好一点，
人能积极一点，
不要再钻牛角尖，
开怀并心宽一点，
笑容多一点，让人也会开朗一点，
身体也好一点。。

好事都多一点。。
坏事少很多点。。

还好2009年有带给我一件好事，
而会在2010延续并实现。
我的新希望与喜悦。
所以我对2010有多一份的期待。

不过，这也意味着我得做个决定，
一个可能会让我后悔不已的决定。
不想去想，但它会在脑海里挥之不去。

等时间到了，一切该会明朗。。

好了，都最后一天，
不要再不开心了，
应该开心痛快的迎接新的一年。。

祝我所有的亲人，朋友，同事，
把所有不快乐都忘了，
2010年能快快乐乐，心想事成，
事事能顺心顺意。。

我们一起加油吧 :)

厌。。

2009-12-01T10:47:00.005+08:00

原来当你对一些人与事开始产生厌倦的时候，你会开始选择尽量地去回避接触。不管曾经你有多么的在乎它，对它爱不释手。人如此，事也如此。

人，只因成长的环境的不同，面对认识的人不同，就算曾好，时间和经历会把好过的两人的距离渐渐拉远。不是谁和谁的错，只是我们未能为对方停下。喜新厌旧感，有时会让你无所适从。现在，可以对某人某事而新奇，雀跃，但下分钟，却心意阑珊，兴趣不再。。

会觉得可悲，但我是矛盾的。因我的喜与恶的感觉太强，其中的变换也太快，很快从喜变恶，或恶变喜。我不想选择逃避，但面对很辛苦。苦了别人，也苦了自己。。

to give up

2009-11-20T13:25:00.005+08:00

how i hope to get away the thing that have held on for the past years.. but then, given the status now, i am still needing to hold on to it..

argh.. i hope i can really give up and get away once possible.. this time i really need to make up and do it before i make myself more crazy.. hahaha...

a thought after watching 'my sister's keeper'

2009-10-27T08:18:00.005+08:00

well, have watched the movie at Vivo GV Gold Class yesterday which was my birthday as well.. haha.. i guess i shouldn't have watched the show that day cos it was bringing tears to my eyes throughout. should have watched something less emotional since i can really cry easily nowadays.. my hormones has changed a lot.. hahahaaha...

dun ask me to review the show cos i myself is in a dilemma and upset after watching. i can understand the struggle of the mother, who wants to ensure the living of the sick daughter, but to give birth to another, and to make her the supplier of the live organs and blood etc to the sick. still, i can't really make myself to agree. both are the flesh and blood of her.. it is unfair, but who can say she is wrong? i will not say that..

i guess the lucky portion is that the younger one who is engineered to be the 'supplier' share a strong bond with her sister. i realised towards the end, she doesn't really mind giving her stuffs to her sister to prolong her living. though it is cruel to her and having people misunderstanding her (due to the suing and trial), but she does want to help her sister.

when it is the time to let go.. ones have to learn to let go.. if not suffering and unhappiness will come knocking. shall not mentioned much of the plot, for the sake of those who still wanna watch the movie :)

being a mother and daughter, i do hope the best of the health for my family. i know when one is down, the chain reaction on every person, be it sorrow or worries. just like when my mother was diagnosed with cancer few years back. luckily i have her back to my life. i can't imagine my life w/o her. call me a mommy gal but i really love her..

watching the show make me realize more that i should cherish my family, especially the big and small in my own family and protect them within my means. i want them to be in the best of health (oh did i repeat it?) and be happy..

i pray for all my family members and friends to be happy and healthy. hope you be praying for me as well :)

Sis Shenton名言：不要消极过日子

2009-09-16T11:25:00.001+08:00

放弃

2009-09-10T08:40:00.005+08:00

不想再去争论了，
反正在理论的世界里，
我永远都是个输家，
不想了，放弃了，
对错都算了。。

现在，
让我再任性一下，
很快都会过去了。。

流失

2009-09-07T08:20:00.003+08:00

感觉到它慢慢地在流失，
就算有时好，有时坏，
但应该不会改变。。

或许再不补救，
就可能会消失了。。

梦想

2009-09-03T22:13:00.003+08:00

最近，看了五月天的演唱会。
也看到他们对自己的梦想与坚持。。

梦想啊。。

从小，我知道自己有一个梦，
爱唱歌的我，站在舞台上，
把好听的歌曲唱给人听。。
或许不用出片，与志趣相同的人，
玩着不同曲风的音乐。。

还有一个已实现了的梦想，
就是拥有自己的小孩，
好好照顾，好好栽培，
让我为他感到骄傲。。
但我想，喜悦还小，
骄傲等他大一点再说吧。。嘻嘻。。

可现在，忽然觉得想离家出走，
走着未曾走过的青草，
游着未游过的小溪大海，
过着未过过的大小桥，
见着未见过的人事物等。。

这是新的梦想，
也是个还不能开始的梦想。。
再等等吧。。

罪孽深重。。

2009-09-03T15:37:00.002+08:00

唉，最近我把半大包的米扔了，
因为开始生虫，并且有一股酸味。。

从有家开始，
我不知道已丢了多少食物，
虽然它们已坏，
但还是不禁觉得浪费。。

我们面临全球暖化等，
粮食等都或许快要得来不易，
我却。。。唉。唉。唉。。
该打，该打，真该打。。。。

真的是罪孽深重啊！

珍惜我们所拥有的。。

2009-09-03T14:22:00.007+08:00

每次，看到电视上有关明星出国帮忙一些落后国家的过程，
心里都会时不时地纠结了起来。

因为，那些国家的人民，
吃的，用得着的，穿的等，都与新加坡的很不同。

一小包的巧克力，能让小朋友开心一整天；
不起眼的玩具等，却能让他们如获至宝；
简单的文具用品，对他们来说，
是实现能读书的愿望的起步。。

他们粮食短缺，三餐不继，
导致营养不良，瘟疫肆虐。
但是他们还是为自己而努力，
不会放弃。。

想想，新加坡的大人与小孩，真的很幸福。
坐着大汽车，进出百货公司，吹着冷气，
吃着雪糕，或大餐，玩着PSP。。

我依稀记得看过一个节目，
一对父母带着两个孩子，
到好象是乡下的地方去玩和过夜。

起先，过程对他们挺新颖的。
但是，当他们到了，也开始闹起脾气。
嫌弃睡觉的地方没冷气，
蚊子很多，地方很肮脏等。

可是落后国家的小孩是这么过着他们的生活的啊。。

看着明星林志玲部落格，
她在史瓦济兰的点点滴滴，
让我在想要如何教导喜悦，
珍惜现在有的一切。。

真的要好好珍惜我们所拥有的。。

林志玲部落格 - 志玲史瓦济兰之旅

志玲前往史瓦济兰飞机上
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100ekl2.html

志玲史瓦济兰之旅-到达的下午
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100el07.html

志玲史瓦济兰之旅-曾祖母的眼泪
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100elg4.html

志玲史瓦济兰之旅-需要被拥抱的孩子!
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100en6o.html

志玲史瓦济兰之旅-数据不代表什么!
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100enp1.html

志玲史瓦济兰之旅-睡在泥土上的邦妮薇
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100eoli.html

志玲史瓦济兰之旅-希望之窗
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100ep0a.html

志玲史瓦济兰之旅-13岁的重担
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100eq4n.html

志玲史瓦济兰之旅-住在天堂的丝里薇
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100eqlv.html

志玲史瓦济兰之旅-飞往回家的飞机上
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4e39d4980100er27.html

cool weather

2009-08-30T20:11:00.002+08:00

recently been raining a lot. the weather has changed to kinda cool instead of hot due to the global warming.. have missed such temperature and atmosphere.. i always fancy rainy season than sunny, not bcos i dun like the sun, jus tat i like the feeling that the rain will bring to me, especially nite time.

i always like to make myself wet in the rain and bringing umbrella always seemed so uncool.. haha.. but then guess really like ppls said, age is catching up.. so must not be like when still in my young age, and have to really take care.. haha..

well.. since the nite is so cooling, let's hope it will last longer and we all can have a cooling room where we will have our sweet dreams.. :)

change of blog address

2009-08-28T11:48:00.004+08:00

have decided to give a change in the blogspot address to better suit the theme for this blog.. the simple haven.. guess is more tailored to the simple me.. haha :P

why? why am i still in the same situation?

2009-08-17T12:07:00.003+08:00

i know what is the important thing currently in my life now and what i want to do. but then i am still lack of the courage to let go and concentrate on it..

is it because i can't see the opportunity for it?
or i am too blindly following the path which others saying that it is right?
or i am just escaping from the reality in front of me?

why?

无题 (II)

2009-06-24T12:15:00.000+08:00

好奇怪,明明没有哭,
但总有一种哭后的失落感。。

最近听歌听得很空洞,
可能有太多歌曲流动,
让耳朵听得累了,
就算是评语高的歌,
也未能像以前般的牵动着我。。
唱起来也显得有心无力。。

烦心的事太多,
心被一层暗暗的云盖住了,
光彩没了,笑容也少了,
是想太多,还是心结放不开,
我想两者都有吧。。

不应为此困住,
但不理又谈何容易,
虽知解脱之法实简,
可做出的勇气很多。。

简单如我,
得快快走出阴霾的世界。。

林家故事：thepokgui.blogspot.com

2009-06-24T09:37:00.004+08:00

have just created a family blog recently, URL as per above, to post most of the family events and memories in. like that at least ben dan can also update the blog w/o affecting my own blog.. though i am not so sure how long will he update (or if he will update?!).. haha ;p

silence is golden

2009-06-18T22:52:00.004+08:00

should have remember & practise this as it's been one of my beliefs since long time ago, then i will not get myself into unnecessary situation, even though it is just a thought of mine. all said and done, i do not regret and will not mention anymore.

the moody me

2009-06-17T14:25:00.001+08:00

my mood is becoming bad recently. too many things occurred at a go, regardless whether it is just my imagination due to my too-sensitive nature, or it is really happening around me. i dun really enjoy the feeling i am having now. took me some times to decide if to blog this down.. but anyway, it is the place where i can put my thoughts in.. so why not.. haha..

i want to quit my job, and it is a 'wanting to' badly.. haha.. been planning and did sent out a few, but guess the recession has hit all in a pretty bad way, so no news till now. been in the same company for so many years, not much progress and then quite stagnant. din went for overseas training cos i do not foresee myself staying long, but yet i am going to spend 8 years here.. 8 YEARS!!! i din know i can tahan in a place for so long, cos counting primary school only 6 years, secondary is 4 years and in poly is 3 years.. i am impressed. now i am not sure if it is because i take things too personally, thus a lot of things to me seems rather unfair and feeling not taken care of. i become really the 'ice' in the office. dun talk much, lunch also like to stay at own cube and eat, a lone-ranger. realise i should really walk out and try other stuffs. but always held back by the lacking in courage.

i know i am considered a lucky gal. at least i managed to get a job quite fast after my poly gradudation. even though i know this job is not to my liking, but at that period, the time and pay really make my day. plus, i enjoy the company of my old colleagues even though i know they have doubts in my abilities and my laziness.. haha.. though i always complain abt my boss, but then she is always helping me (in a way) whenever i needed. but then since the years passed, people come people go.. things and people really will change, even though you face the same faces everyday. haha.. i guess i really need to escape and start afresh.. just need to pluck my whole courage from my body and soul..

recession times now but yet i can see people just do to their likings. the person whom i hoped not have already quit her job. she claimed she wanna spend more time with her children due to their behaviour now. i have doubts, really. when i see the way she handling the child, i am scared. somemore she will have more times to play with xavier. haha.. i hope i wun get crazy and start to quarrel with her, thus i must learn to handle my emotions and attitude more.

as a mother, i have to admit, i am the possessive one. i am now having the feeling of being a failure as a mother cos my son stick to his grandparents more than me. dear mr lim mentioned that at least i might be in the top 5 of son's list. but then i still can't take it. i am becoming not sure how to handle the little son of mine. i almost give up last sat when i happened to be alone with him. with the occurrence of some head bumping incidents, i am getting more and more paranoid when he starting his crawling and climbing etc. then have to endure his crying for carrying when i am busy doing works around the house.

aware of someone else's affairs sometimes can be interesting or troubled. cos i am not sure how to console the people involved though i know my attitude towards them will not change. perhaps i am rather practical in relationship (with a bit of disbelief), i can't really understand the rational of accepting someone so unworthy of the love given, since the person have performed the act of betrayal. fighting for such person should be the last things the partners do, but yet now they are playing the tug-of-wars for him. what a joke... at least i am seeing it as a big joke.. i wish i can just walk up and give the person one tight slap for being the jerk.

well.. guess it is good for me to open up in my blogging.. at least the feelings are relieved a bit. just hope that the next time i blog, it will be a happy event.. i can't having my blog telling sad and unhappy stories all the while. must have something interesting and happy to brighten up. i am 'dark' enough for people to recognise me.. hahahahaahaaa ;p

我的6牙儿子

2009-05-26T22:51:00.007+08:00

体检时,大闹诊所.. *摇头*

奶嘴是他的最佳玩伴..

第三, 四, 五, 六颗的牙隐隐地出现..

should i?

2009-05-26T22:05:00.004+08:00

really in dilemma, wonder if i should just let go and tell the person? even though the person is not in my books, but then i still not feeling comfortable of seeing the person to be in such position. but telling will make the whole thing more confused and hard to tidy.

wah... dilemma dilemma dilemma..

无题 (I)

2009-05-25T11:44:00.002+08:00

走了一圈,
发现还在原点,
感觉的触礁,
让我边走边忘了停下脚步,
欣赏沿路的风景,
悦耳的声音,音乐。

我变得更冷漠了,
全身已长满了刺,
捍卫着自己。

或许收起会有更美的际遇吧。。

miracle of life & parenthood..

2009-04-16T10:55:00.006+08:00

looking back at the old photos taken for baby xavier, it is really heart-warming to see my little prince has grown from a small infant who likes to cry and sleep alot in the bed, w/o me worrying that he will fall from bed cos he haven't mastered the rolling over tactics, to a bigger baby who can roll from one place to another and asking for 'bao bao' when place sitting upright.. from milk drinking to a solid-food munching baby, daily poo poo to maybe not so frequent (everytime he poo, i am like strike lottery and happily clearing his poo.. haha ;p).. me still waiting for the moment he will be able to crawl and standing up..

the miracle of lives is always happening around us, it is up to us whether we are willing to open our senses to learn to feel it. recently have seen 2 cases of abandoned babies, which twisted my heart a bit on the thought of why the mother can be steel-heart to just put their new-borne in some places and went away, leading to death of one baby..

but then, i do not know the rational behind the mother's action. perhaps they have reasonable explanation for their doings. i can understand raising a child is not that easy. the stress level, be it physical, mental, emotion, financial etc, is very overwhelming. took me sometimes to get over the difficult phases, though at times i have been complaining, but i know my ben dan is always there for me and our xavier..

somehow, it is all worth it when i see a smiling face from someone who always wanna me carry when he sees me. and the way he keeps attacking the toys around him and start his biting skills.. the excitement he shows when he see milk bottle and foods on his way, with his mouth wide-opened..

i must admit, i might not be the good mother in accord to some of the new mothers around me. i need some private time with ben dan and will left him with mil or my mum just to catch time for a date or movie. and i will spank him (gently) if he started to kick fuss, and raise my voice a bit when he is really getting on my nerves. i don't think i fit into the 'love education' which is greatly adores by most mothers now.. haha ;p

but YES, I DO LOVE MY SON.. and i am proud whenever i introduce him to my friends etc. if being good mother means that scolding is out when the child is getting out of hand, and giving in all the times, then i guess you can fail me.. don't get me wrong, i don't encourage anyhow scolding and beating on just to insist that your thinking is right.

the inner nature of child might be decided when he/she arrives to this world, but the up-bringing by parents played a major part. hearing stories and working in a childcare environment before, i realise that some of the children now are rather self-centred and pampered (forgive me for bring blunt), and their actions are hard for me to understand since the parents are so highly educated. maybe our system of raising a child has changed until i can't anticipate.

i believe in knowing the nature of your child and put the appropriate approach in getting the child understand and listening. of cos, i must learn to be a listening party. but knowing myself, there is more that i need to learn in handling these situation when xavier is older. saying is always easier, and doing is the real test. again, i have far more to catch up to realise this talk of mine.. haha ;p

having being a child, teenage, young adult, i know when children are older, they will have their own world, having their own friends where they will confide mostly on, going out for activities and not coming back for dinner, perhaps getting a partner and have their own families. this is part and parcel of life, which i think everyone will go through. i guess i would need to learn to let go when this comes. but i will try to hold my child close whenever possible.

now, i appreciate more on the things my parent did for me, though there are times i still can't help it but to talk back sometimes, and get angry when my child-like father gets on my nerves..

well, think i will wait for another 10 more years or so before facing these situations, so meanwhile, guess i will watch with appreciation that xavier is growing well under the love and care by family and friends, waiting for him to reach each milestone...

turtle's thought of the day.. hehe ;p

简单生活

2009-03-17T15:29:00.008+08:00

很喜欢这位Ms Shenton在mypaper.sg里的专栏, 以客观的角度来写我们日常所经历的事物。。这篇文章本人挺喜欢的，与你分享分享：）

想太多

2009-03-09T14:31:00.002+08:00

终于明白有些事是我想太多了，
原来做了一场可笑的梦。。

虽然不知道的话，
事情会美一点，但知道后，
才会了解一切是自己一厢情愿的，
还傻傻得以为，真得有人欣赏。。

真的觉得自己太可笑，
也可悲了。。

哈哈哈哈。。

Rainbow

2009-03-03T16:43:00.010+08:00

saw a long beautiful rainbow on 25 Feb on my way home where coincidentally, i was feeling down that day, be it for work or personal.. was puzzled when i saw a lot of people using their phone camera to take snapshots when crossing the overhead bridge. when i saw the rainbow, my mood was lifted up a bit as it seemed like a sign asking me to buck myself up.. even though i resisted the idea of taking the photo of it, but a voice kept telling me to capture the moment..

2 of my friends mentioned the rainbow in the blog & facebook respectively where they were delighted to see the rainbow. i guess the rainbow has helped to lift up everyone's mood on that day.. at least mine was lifted and went happy for a while..

however, i still have questions in my mind to ponder..
more challenges to come, can i take it?
decision to be made, will i regret it?
road getting tougher, will i able to keep on walking?

guess got to just smile and go on :)

眼泪

2009-02-23T15:27:00.005+08:00

最近，不懂是不是爱心泛滥，还是过于感性，
从电视看到一些故事，听着某首歌，
人家分享的故事，
眼眶会渐渐被泪水掩盖，
然后眼泪徐徐而下。。

以前，同样的事情也会发生，
但是，不会像如此般地容易，
最多也只是湿了眼眶罢了。。

奇怪，真的很奇怪。。

不能哭，会比能哭来的辛苦。。
我想应该好好控制我的眼泪，
毕竟，眼泪是珍贵的。
要为真正值得流而流。。

你呢？多久没有感动流泪了呢？

****************************

眼泪

作词:黄国伦作曲:黄国伦
主唱: 范晓萱

青春若有张不老的脸但愿它永远不被改变
许多梦想总编织太美跟着迎接幻灭

爱上你是最快乐的事却又换来最痛苦的悲
苦涩交错爱的甜美我怎样都学不会 ha~

oh~眼泪眼泪都是我的体会成长的滋味
oh~眼泪忍住眼泪不让你看见 oh 我在改变
孤单的感觉你从不曾发现我笑中还有泪

爱上你是最快乐的事却又换来最痛苦的悲
苦涩交错爱的甜美我怎样都学不会 a~

oh~眼泪眼泪都是我的体会成长的滋味
oh~眼泪忍住眼泪不让你看见 oh 我在改变
孤单的感觉你从不曾发现我笑中还有泪

oh~眼泪眼泪流过无言的夜心痛的滋味
oh~眼泪擦干眼泪忘掉一切曾有的眷恋
oh~眼泪是苦眼泪是伤悲 oh 眼泪都是你
oh~眼泪是甜眼泪是昨天 oh 眼泪不流泪

骏安长牙了！！

2009-02-16T16:26:00.007+08:00

发现骏安的小小牙正在慢慢的生长，
想拿相机拍，但他却超级不合作，
哄他，骗他，开了一下，马上把嘴关起来，
在笨蛋的协助下，好不容易才拍到的。。

诱骗中

来硬了

哈哈。。

现在的心情

2009-02-16T16:16:00.004+08:00

是贪婪吗?
是渴望吗?
要的不是物质，
只是一种想被疼爱的感觉。

看着，听着，
别人愉悦地庆祝，
而发现自己原来，
已很久没有好好庆祝了。。

他是疼我的，无可否认，
但我想一切对他来说，
变的理所当然。

就算我口是心非地说，
不要不要庆祝，
但心里还是暗地里的期盼着。。

好矛盾，真的好矛盾。。
发现自己既可笑也无聊，
一直去想着已过的节日，
虽有不甘，但也该习以为常。。

我想快快走出闷闷的心情 :)

jus to talk around.. haha..

2009-01-09T11:35:00.000+08:00

think recently i am really lazy.. even my blog is in english except for the song to share where it is copied and paste from website to blog. cos need to spend more time to find the appropriate words for chinese.. think english i can anyhow write cos my 'england is very very not powderful'.. so guess even if people wanna penalized me, will not give me really bad scores.. haha.. ya.. getting more and more lazy in one way or another.. and getting fatter liaoz.. how i miss the slim slim figure during poly time.. but all in the past liaoz..

how are my friends recently? good or bad? still affected by the bad news every now and then?? now my feelings are more settled down but me getting more and more quiet.. jus feel like lazing at home and workplace doing nothing or perhaps watching videos quietly.. even when lunch time i oso too tired to go out to eat wif my kakis.. except when weekend is here, i will be more energised cos will want to bring xavier out to know this world.. though ben dan will be lazy then but he did tried his best to bring us out whenever we can.. as weekend is the only time where we can have xavier wholly to ourselves.

he is getting more and more chubby, though i still feel tat he is losing weight. guess tat's the nature of a mother. wanna the child to be chubby and cute cute.. still, need to watch over his growth, i dun wan him to be fat like me. haha.. now he coming to learn to suck his thumb liaoz.. this son of mine really has a strong sucking instinct as stated in the book. sigh.. how do i help him to kick the habit? my mum said is like tat one, he will kick the habit once older.. then my MIL has no choice but to give to him since she needs to do housework and cook for the family, this is only way to keep him quiet most of the times. thanks to her, at least i can go to work or out to dating with mind in peace. so now i try to ask ben dan to bring her out wif us whenever we can so tat she wun be always at home alone when my FIL is out there doing 'KPO'.. oops.. haha..

jus completed watching the HK series 'Tang Xin Feng Bao', inside the show, the lady chang zaixin spent time updating her blog which acts like her diary and her bf, alfred, oso picked up the habit of writing diary on the pc when he broke up wif her. after watching tat i oso feel like using my blog as diary for everyday life. but then knowing myself too well, my lazy nature will make me give up shortly and of cos, more effort will be spent in writing the diary in chinese, as think tat is my stronger language and i wun wanna spoil tat.. haha.. think i still do wat i can doing now.. jus update whenever i can.. muahahaha ;p

oh ya, coming i will have tough time gng on. why? most of my colleagues will be gng overseas for training and locally we have a lot of things i need to take over from one. think it is my time to work hard as he really helped me a lot during pregnancy and back from maternity leave.. must do my best. though i might be dealing wif someone i dun like, but think tat is part and parcel of life, rite? can't ask for the best of anything. if i really come across him during work, think i jus played my unfriendly self again, but i think he knows i dun like him.. so dun think his crap will affect me anyway.. muahahaa ;p me not friendly gal liaoz..

chinese new year is coming soon.. think if sat really gng out, must ask ben dan to buy clothing for baby although i think xavier has more than enough clothings.. ban dan said must buy him red shirt, red pant, red shoes, red cap.. make sure tat he will be the red angbao for the festival. i was like 'diao', dun know wat to say.. tis yr, guess i will bring her back to mum's hse for the 1st day of new yr, which i nvr go back on tat day before. think she will be missing her grandchildren during festive seasons.. but my sis can't, cos her hubby's side got celebration and her daughter will be in the limelight.. and dun think she wanna bring lele back to my grandmother's side. sometimes all the unhappiness cannot be erased easily. i oso trying my best not to bring over tat day, but still see how, cos think me more soft-hearted than my sis.. muahaaha ;p wat a way to praise myself.. me crazy gal..

wah, realised when coming to write in english, i will keep on writing, not knowing tat the thing will get longer and longer.. hahaahaha.. but then i will not give up writing in chinese. when i really feel like it, i will still write in chinese.. perhaps one day i will oso write in jap language, but then got to wait till i revised my jap. long time din touch, all given back to my teachers.. haiz.. really waste money and time if dun revised.. then i can also teach xavier if i can catch hold of the language better.. wah, english, chinese and jap for him.. will it be too hard??

ok.. got to stop liaoz.. if not my boss sees me write tis during working hours.. sure scold me.. muahahaa.. till then my friends..

五月天 - 你不是真正的快乐

2009-01-08T15:47:00.002+08:00

人群中哭着你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会梦或痛或心动了
你已经决定了你已经决定了

你静静忍着紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
而回忆越是甜就是越伤人了
越是在手心留下密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割

你不是真正的快乐你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳

这世界笑了于是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则不是你的选择
于是你含着眼泪飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞的走着

你不是真正的快乐你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了然后才后悔着

你不是真正的快乐你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了

你值得真正的快乐你应该脱下你穿的保护色
为什么失去了还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让悲伤全部结束在此刻重新开始活着

New Year New Hope?!

2009-01-07T17:08:00.003+08:00

Ya, it is now Year 2009 liaoz.. Spent my time at the Warren Country Club Bowling Alley to have the new year countdown, and kissing the gals around (can check out the facebook pictures).. Did have fun that day.. But then was feeling bad also cos have left Xavier with my MIL that night.. Should have the countdown with him, since it is the first new year celebration for him..

On the new year day itself, I received an sms from colleague saying that we have a colleague killed in the BKK fire, and one was missing at that point of time. I was shocked cos that colleague was quite a nice guy, at least I have a easier time working with him than his 'boss'.. After that went back to office on Fri, and most of us were discussing on the death and praying for the miracle of the other who was confirmed dead in the recent news. I did not went to the wake of the colleague as I just have Xavier and I do not want to lost control of my emotions (crying) during the wake. However, when I reached home the day before of the 'Chu Bing', I hugged Ben Dan and cried. I'm still feeling bad that I did not managed to send my colleague off to his last journey.. But still hope that he will rest in peace..

When Year 2008 is coming to end and the starting of Year 2009, the world is like having a lot of problems e.g. recession, terrorism, innocent people killed etc.. Suddenly felt that everything is getting more and more messy than when I was in my teenage years.. I did not really know how to face this world now..

I always tell my mum or some friends that now my thinking is to live one day by one day.. But then whenever I read the news or hearing from Ben Dan, bad things seems like increasing.. When will it stop? I really wonder.. Can I still be living as happy as before? Ya, I know some will say that it is how you choose, but then when times are hard and demoralising, is it really possible for you to choose to be happy all the while? I think I can only choose to pick myself up whenever I can.. Haha..

Now I am getting more and more de-energised in the things I am doing.. Be it work, taking care of the family, and others, I sometimes just really feel like throwing everything away and just leave.. But then where can I go? Can I really throw them away?

Work is getting neither here nor there now.. I know I am slacking a lot, but then I still do not know how to continue.. I cannot quit just like that since I need to be responsible for Xavier now. Life is short, yes, this I know.. Live your life well, yes, I also know about this.. But, saying is forever easier than action.. I can console my friends with the above words, but can I do it myself? Puzzled..

Perhaps for some who is reading this will feel that I am feeling really down at this point of time.. I must admit, YES.. Haha... Think it is the point of time when I need to be really down down down emotionally then I can learn to stand and pick myself up.. At least I think I have Xavier to provide me the strength to move on, and Ben Dan there to support me, though there are still some of the things between us which I need to overcome..

To my dear friends who are reading my blog and this article, do not have to worry about me, life is all about up and down.. Think it is another milestone that I have to overcome..

Nevertheless, let's all hope this new year 2009 will get better than year 2008, perhaps much much better.. Let's pray hard, and work hard also..

HAPPY NEW YEAR :)

一年将尽。。

2008-12-29T11:20:00.002+08:00

好快，2008年快过完了，
过几天2009年就到了。。

今年，我想我最大的成就感，
是来自喜悦(骏安)。
好不容易能把他生下来，
虽然过程有点辛苦，
加上坐月的不愉快，
但看着他从小小的变成大大的，
从哭脸变笑脸，
心里会浮起一句话，
'You Complete Me'。。

我想2009年的愿望，
主要在于。。

1) 喜悦健健康康，快快乐乐地成长，一切都能平平安安。要爱我多过爱笨蛋(哈哈哈。。开玩笑的啦。。) 。。

2) 笨蛋不要那么笨蛋(哈哈。。)，工作要加油，有贵人相助，小人远离，还有多疼疼我，爱爱我。。

3) 两边的双亲都能健健康康，开开心心，享受天伦。。

4) 我姐能快乐一点，再坚强一点，好好照顾我可爱但脾气像妈妈一样臭的外甥女，小乐乐。。

5) 我弟能懂事一点，有主见一点，好好策划与女友的未来，因为以后的路还很长。。

6) 笨蛋的哥哥那一家能够融洽一点，小孩听话一点。。

7) 朋友们都能替对方着想一下，必要时关心一下。有伴侣的继续甜甜蜜蜜，无者继续加油。。

自己呢，按照惯例，
都是不要想太多，不要太执着，
快乐一点，简单一点，
努力多一点，唱歌多一点，
忧郁少一点，食量少一点。。
还有很多点，留给下次点。。哈哈。。

哦! 还有最后一点，
大家在佳节玩得开心一点!!

新年快乐!!!

11月17日 - 喜悦已101天大了!!

2008-11-18T11:52:00.005+08:00

昨天在家替喜悦庆祝他已经101天大了，
笨蛋买了两个小蛋糕来庆祝。
我们把喜悦从梦中叫醒，
所以他的脸难免会有的blur blur 的。。
嘻嘻。。

喜悦来了!!

2008-11-07T15:27:00.008+08:00

名字 : 林骏安 (Lim Joon Ann, Xavier)
生日 : 8月9日2008年 (与国家同天)

快来临了 :)

2008-07-23T13:01:00.001+08:00

算算，再过多几天，
喜悦就会来临这个世界了。
从知道到现在，
心情没有一刻不是为了他。
毕竟，等了好久。。

很多人问，
是不是很辛苦，
我的回答永远都是还好，
因为真正辛苦的地方，
不在于身体的不适，
而在是脑袋里的胡思乱想，
与对未来的不安和期待。

不安在于他是否会健康成长，生性乐观，
而且能够在现在如此严苛的世界里生存。
希望他的性格别像我，
如此地爱乱乱想，搞到自己偶尔的神经衰落。
思想性格能像我的笨蛋就好，
乐观成熟，会思考，聪明，
但得加多一点感性与帅气。。
嘻嘻。。

我会尽我的能力保护他，
或许有些东西我并不能给他的，
但我会在能力范围内把最好的给他。

也要谢谢那些在我怀着喜悦时，
给予我帮助与祝福的家人朋友，
还有那个一直在我身旁为我打点一切的笨蛋，
没有他，有时真的无法适从。。
谢谢。。

等喜悦到来时，
我一定会好好照顾他与自己的。

这是我对喜悦和笨蛋的承诺 :)

我的保护色，黑色

2008-06-06T15:08:00.001+08:00

记得有朋友问过，
为什么我的衣服，
永远就是单调的一种颜色？
选的饰品，包包等，也已它为主。
很难在我身上寻找到其他颜色。
就算有，也只是接近它的深色系列。
那时，因为好玩，她就叫我黑衣天使。
哈哈。。

无可否认，
或许像有些人说的，
它对体型较大的人，
有一种修饰外形的感觉。
所以色系都会以它为主。。

但，它也是我的习惯。

纵然身边五颜六色，
但无论我如何鼓励自己尝试，
都觉得还是它最好。
至少它在时，
心境上，我是自在的。

因为我无需为搭配而烦恼，
也无需为在买东西时，
为颜色好看与否而苦恼。

某个程度上，
它能帮我把最真实的我，藏的好好。
或许因为身性有点孤僻，
总希望把自己保护的好好的，
不要轻易的受伤。

黑色，也会让我想到黑夜。

通常，不可思议的事情
都会发生在黑夜。。
如同小说般，
拥有着神秘的特质。

我最喜欢下雨的黑夜，
特别是那些带着一种冰冰凉凉的气氛的。
你能看到它的风云变幻，
然后雨如眼泪般地落下，
既可观，但也带有一丝伤感。。
当然，最爱是能在被窝里，
痛快地大睡一觉！
哈哈。。

不管现在因为笨蛋的影响，
而在身上加了别的颜色，
我仍然以它为主。
但我的人生还是挺五彩缤纷的。。
嘻嘻嘻嘻嘻嘻嘻嘻。。。

丁当 - 可以不可以

2008-06-04T17:32:00.006+08:00

只想与你分享 :)

丁当 - 可以不可以
作曲：赵之璧
作词：五月天-阿信

可不可以让我回到突然长大那一天
那一刻他的吻改变我的世界
可不可以这个夏天这些故事能永远
球场边界外线我们已越走越远

我可以划一个圈把自己关在里面把回忆挡在外面
却不能停止想念在我的天空蔓延他有的善良和善变
我可以划一个圈当作是完美句点还他自由的蓝天
却不能停止想念一幕幕甜美画面如果放弃了这一切
那么在我身体里的灵魂是谁

可不可以让我练习心碎时候有笑脸
等着他已走远才能落下眼泪
可不可以让我消失在地平线这瞬间
哭过了冷却了起风了却不能飞

我可以划一个圈把自己关在里面把回忆挡在外面
却不能停止想念在我的天空蔓延他有的善良和善变
我可以划一个圈当作是完美句点还他自由的蓝天
却不能停止想念一幕幕甜美画面如果放弃了这一切
那么在我身体里的灵魂是谁

所以我可以一直拥抱心碎

王菲 - 旋木

2008-06-04T17:00:00.013+08:00

只想与大家分享这首好久以前的歌。。

王菲 - 旋木
作词:杨明学
作曲:袁惟仁
编曲:黄中岳

拥有华丽的外表和绚烂的灯光
我是匹旋转木马身在这天堂
只为了满足孩子的梦想
爬到我背上就带你去翱翔
我忘了只能原地奔跑的那忧伤
我也忘了自己是永远被锁上
不管我能够陪你有多长
至少能让你幻想与我飞翔

奔驰的木马让你忘了伤
在这一个供应欢笑的天堂
看着他们的羡慕眼光
不需放我在心上
旋转的木马没有翅膀
但却能够带着你到处飞翔
音乐停下来你将离场
我也只能这样

该读书吗？

2008-06-02T16:51:00.004+08:00

几年前，
想过继续升学，来充实自己，
也能对父母有个交待。
因为我知道母亲希望她的孩子们，
至少是个大学生，
并在这个以文凭为主的社会立足。

可是，当申请通过的当儿，
我却临时打退堂鼓，
所幸的是，当时只是亏了报名费，
而不是学费。。

现在姐姐已是大学生，
弟弟也在本土大学发奋向上，
只有我这个Middle Child，
还是对读书踌躇不前。

可能是看到朋友和弟弟在努力着，
而对现有的工作又并没有太大的向往，
以及看不到留在这的未来。
虽然是在等待着喜悦的来临，
但还是难免有少许空虚的心情。
忽然想在拿起课本，
来充实自己一番。。

可是我怕当喜悦到来时，
自己会不想错过任何与他相处的分分秒秒，
而且，也怕天生慵懒的我会半途而废，
浪费着金钱与光阴。

毕竟，快不年轻了，
加上得对喜悦和笨蛋交待，
我不能像几年前如此的任意妄为，
凡事都得想清楚才能行动。。

知道如果跟笨蛋提起的话，
他一定会停顿几秒，
然后说可以的，我们一起加油，
并把重担往身上扛。
这样的他，
既令我心疼又不舍他辛苦。。

还是别想太多先吧。。
等喜悦来到这个世界之后，
再慢慢思考与打算。。
唉。。唉。。唉。。

一场4月26 日的演唱会。。

2008-04-29T09:30:00.003+08:00

终于在今年能看，
一场错过了两年的演唱会，
可想而知，我有多兴奋。
记得第一次看的时候，
我被那现场气氛与震耳欲聋的音乐，
感染得血液沸腾，
留的印像深刻万分。

今年的开场利用了现场的音响，
台前的白布，
犹如在一个大型的电影院，
让在场的人观看虽短，但有趣的影片，
然后，空中四边有‘军人’配合着影片，
徐徐落下，摆出应有架势，
向舞台前进并‘消失’。

白布落下，
见到舞台要为狂野的夜晚，
掀开了序幕。。

五人出现的时候，
可能最近太感性了，
竟有种落泪的感觉。
随着音乐的开始，情绪的高涨，
不由自主地跟着身旁的人，
站了起来，挥动手中的荧光棒，
好像挥霍着仅有的青春。。

一连串的摇滚乐，
耳熟能详的曲目，
就算没有舞蹈，
没有太多繁华的效果，
但每个人好像中邪般，
一直跟着表演者，
呐喊着，高唱着。。

由于怀着喜悦，
身边的‘护花使者’不敢掉以轻心，
因为时不时的跳动，
会带来一点点的不适，
他只能确保我不会过分的激动，
而伤了自己与喜悦。。

今年特别的是，
他们特地在中央的部分安装了升降台，
在中间的环节，他们一个个经由队友介绍，
从舞台，观众席前的平台，
踏上了升降台，与观众来个近距离的接触。
大家还帮其中一人高唱生日快乐。。
此时，尖叫声不绝于耳，
相机更是纷纷涌出，一闪一闪的，
生怕会错过这能够难得的CUPT
（Close Up Photo Taking）。。

回到正式舞台，
听以前的火爆浪子，如今的和蔼父亲，
为自己的渐大的孩子，感性地唱着‘咿呀呀’。
歌词呈现在宽大的银幕上，
让现场的人更能感受他对孩子的期许与关爱。

灯光渐暗，浪子父亲退往幕后更衣，
主唱独自出现，带着吉他，自弹自唱，
等待队友回来。
当其余四人归队，他还幽默地说，
还是一起比较好。。

好玩的是有一部分，
他们假装现场气氛不够，
让他们之间起了内讧，
竟‘拳打脚踢’了起来，
退到幕后。。

在众人的欢呼下，
五人又好玩般的出现，
继续未完成的演唱会。。

台上的人玩的疯了，
台下也玩的忘我非凡。。
其后的沸沸扬扬，热闹，
我想看报纸的形容会比较周全。。
嘻嘻。。

喜欢他们，
不只是因为他们的音乐，
也是因为他们就算互相亏损，
有摩擦，有争执，
但感情仍然这么好，仍然能扶持对方，
并未因种种的阻碍而解散。。

讲到这，
或许仍有人还不知道我向往的演唱会，
是由何许人物表演，让我郑重揭晓。。

当当当当！！

他们就是鼎鼎大名的，

五月天是也！！

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！！！

工作的‘七年之痒’

2008-04-10T16:35:00.006+08:00

通常恋人如果相对了七年，
一般人都应该会问他们可有 ‘七年之痒’的感觉。
而我呢？感情第一轮的七年之痒已悄悄过了好久，
得再等多大约五年后，才会到第二轮的‘痒’。

但，工作的七年要到来了。。
从所谓的新丁到人人堪称的‘老鸟’，
唉。。算快还是慢呢?

和我常见面的朋友或偶尔联络的友人，
当问到如今在那高就，
只要听说我未换工，都略微惊讶，
不为什么，因为换工是我每年达不到，
但常挂在嘴上的目标。
哈哈。。

没办法，不知道为什么，就是离不开。
有申请，有面试，有回应（一次），
但始终还在这个最东边，
每天能看着超多飞机来回的地方。。

看着旧面孔一个一个地离开，
新面孔一个一个进来，
好像轮回般的一直重复着。
算算，好像经历了满多的，
告别与欢迎的仪式。。

无奈，真有点无奈。。哈哈！

一直很怀恋刚开始做工的这里，
可能是因为部门很新，
同事们之间有种特殊的革命情感。

有需要，大家都会互相帮忙，
很少会推三阻四（但还是有例外啦），
就算是不同组，也会鼎力相助。

有空时，大家会去喝喝茶，
聊聊工作困难，说说老板的坏话，
嘻嘻哈哈地过一天。

无聊时，找人开着公司的车去SITE混混，
找Contractors聊天，
不慌不忙又是一天。。

可惜，此景渐渐地消失得无声无息，
或许真是新不如旧，
不是说新的同事不好，但总感觉少了什么。

而且因为改革，
老板们有着隐性的‘楚河汉界’，
大家变得有点各扫们前雪，
不关自家的事，太极三百六十式，全全使出
而‘射箭’的技术，更是层出不穷，标新立异啊。。

以前的奋斗好友，
如今竟能舌剑唇枪一番，
昔日的熙熙攘攘，
已成脑中回忆录。。

来上班，突然变得无趣。
每日起来，想到的不是如何面对挑战，
而是该用什么理由去请假。
可笑也。。

到了办公室，打开电脑，
做做工作，然后看着电脑发呆。
想找人聊聊，但大家有无言的心病，
未能开心畅谈。。

或许我比一般人需要多点时间来熟络，
而现有的政策令我却步。
想想，真的有点患得患失。。

再忍忍，等喜悦来到的时候，
我就可以放手了。。
就算人家看来是借口也罢，
我怕太久真的会走不了。。
还是先下手为强，不然伤身伤脑筋。。
哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！！

等了好久，终于。。

2008-01-18T18:27:00.000+08:00

一直以来的愿望在去年实现了。。

等了好久好久，
有时甚至会怀疑问题在那里，
知道的那一刻，
我喜极而泣。。

虽然未能与大家分享，
但家人与一些友人的关怀，
已让我感动不已。。

我会学会更珍惜自己，
学会积极地面对人生等，
不能再任意妄为，
要乐观的学会面对这个世界。。

因为现在
得为我即将来临的喜悦，
好好地计划将来。。

真的好开心。。
希望一切顺顺利利，
开开心心。。

加油！

生活好累...

2007-08-29T10:10:00.000+08:00

最近生活好像什么都提不起劲.
整个人好似被抽空了一样.
只有肉体, 但却少了灵魂.

再开心, 也没以前笑得如此灿烂.
再爱玩, 也没以前尽兴并且疯狂.
再无聊, 也没以前那么自我娱乐.

脑子一直把思想推到死角,
拼命的鞭打,
不给它机会往好的方面去发挥.
胸口好像被一个大石压着,
心一直透不过气,
好似要停顿着身上的脉搏与呼吸.

很羡慕身心乐观的人,
至少他们能够很快从
不开心的情绪复元,
不会钻牛角尖,

生活真的让我觉得好累,
人人都说要为自己而活,
但我的世界却从来不是这样.
想到要做的事, 人会开始责问,
把他的思想覆盖你,
让你没勇气, 没意思地跟着.
就算你不快乐, 那也无可厚非,
因为对他们来说, 他们提议的,
是一条对的路.

做了些决定,
也因为如此而摇摆不定.
托着快濒临崩溃的躯体,
一天一天地走着.
见到人仍得强颜欢笑.

我的快乐对他们来说不重要,
利益才是最重要的.
想想, 可能因为利用价值没了,
所以身边有些人开始离开.
渐渐得, 我也变的不相信人了.
觉得没人会对自己付出努力..
真可悲..

或许, 该出去走走了吧..

加油好吗?

2007-06-21T23:41:00.000+08:00

坦白说，近来心情真的很复杂。很多事情不止是别人，自己也得负上的责任。不该再自艾自怜，也不该再把责任推给别人。毕竟真正能让自己不开心的人，还是自己。既然得不到想要的回应，就不应持续性地执迷不悟。

某个程度上，走来的路虽然难了点，但过程中仍获得一些奖励。毕竟学会了，体会过一些事情，想法多少会有改变。好的，坏的，都在所难免。我的个性就太过多愁善感，容易钻牛角尖，可有时又会太亢奋，太过海阔天空，劣根性得会让情绪从天堂直入地狱，又或从地狱直奔天堂。如此的起伏，算是一种精神上的折磨。对吧?!

我不聪明，更不爱面对问题。所以在很多事情发生的时候，会先选择逃避，以为它就会渐渐地被淡忘。后来了解，就算问题没有解决的方案，逃避仍不是一个办法。因为问题还在，而你未能真正从中解脱。

学着如何从另一个角度去看事情，从中在看清楚点，并在适当的时候退步，放手。就算它不是一个很好的办法，但有时却能减轻彼此之间的伤害。我不是完全的那么理智，所以还在摸索着，试试不同角度与看法。原来想要简单快乐，真的很难。是性格使然吧。。

曾经沧海难为水，除却巫山不是云。

中二的时候，因为这句话在脑海里太深刻了，就跑去问老师它的意思。他只说有些事情已发生，成了定局，该过的就让它过。原来是在这时候的我，才能了解这话的意思。什么幻想，什么不实际的梦，都该醒了。以为会在左右的人，原来早已把我抛于脑后，加快步伐走着。

长大了，是该知道与想想路可以如何的走。从新停下脚步，回头看看，把不需的负担卸下，再好好策划选择前面的路。不可能无悔，但至少把后悔压到最低点。

我还在努力学习摸索。替我加油好吗?

城市?! (@_@)?

2007-04-13T10:37:00.000+08:00

最近啊，乌龟真的很懒。

工作，生活，课业等，都只是在庸庸懒懒里度过。
每天都只是吃饭，睡觉，看电视，如厕，打电脑等。
弄得脑袋越变越不灵光了。

或许这是城市人的一种病态吧。
每天对着不同的四方盒子，
吃着一些或许不算健康的食品，
入眠前也还在计算明天的行程，
又或者是玩到很累等，
就是不愿与周公下棋。
尽管身体时不时发出抗议，
养好后，我们仍重蹈覆辙，
过着循环性的生活。

慢慢地，我们习性的局限于熟悉的范围，
并在里面继续删减一些行程和事务，
而找借口催眠自己有多累，
逐渐地庸懒了起来。

这会算悲哀吗?
啊。。我也不知道。。
不同人，不同性格，不同地方，不同时间，
都会有不同的看与想法。
或许有些人觉得这样的生活不错，
有人会觉得浪费生命。

我不爱做个城市人，
从小向往自由的生活，
要遨游时，就能张开翅膀飞，
累了，停在港口休息。

可是生是城市人，死是城市鬼，
我想我仍逃不出城市的生活。
不过至少现在不好不坏，不多不少，
还会自我娱乐，自我陶醉。

你呢? 觉得城市生活累吗?
可能要像人家说的，
别想太多，快乐点吧!

祝福你哦!!

我们这个时代的尴尬

2007-03-09T15:47:00.000+08:00

这篇文章是我一位友人Tomoko寄给我的，觉得挺有意思，想与你分享。

******

我们居住的房屋越来越宽敞，家庭却越来越小型化；可以享受的生活便利日益增多，属于自己的时间却日趋减少；

我们获得了一张又一张学位证书，却愈加频繁地陷入对常识的茫然中；我们广泛地涉猎各类知识，却越来越缺乏对于外界事物的准确把握和判断；

我们的专家越来越多，问题却也日渐增加；药物越吃越多，健康却每况愈下。

我们花钱太疯，笑容太少，开车太快，怒气太盛，熬夜太晚，起身太累，文章读得太少，电视看得太勤，祷告做得太少。

我们不断聚敛物质财富，却逐渐丢失了自我价值。我们的话语太多，真爱太少，谎言泛滥。

我们掌握了谋生手段，却不懂得生活真谛；我们让年华付诸流水，却不曾将生命倾注其中。

我们的住房越来越好，脾气却越来越糟；我们行驶的道路越来越宽阔，眼光却越来越狭隘。

我们付出很多，可获得的很少；我们购买了很多，可从中得到的乐趣却很少。

我们能够往返于地球与月球之间却不乐于穿过马路向新邻居问好。

我们可以征服外部空间，却慑于走进内心世界。我们可以击碎原子，却不能突破思想偏见；

我们写得很多，可学到的很少；计划很多，可完成的很少。

我们学会了追赶时间，却没学会耐心等待；我们拥有的财富越来越多，道德品质却日益沦丧。

我们生产更多的电脑用于存储更多的信息和制造更多的拷贝，而相互间的交流与沟通却越来越少。我们拥有的是数量，缺乏的是质量。

这是一个快餐食品和消化迟缓相伴的时代；一个体格高大和性格病态并存的时代；一个追名逐利和人情冷漠相生的时代。

我们的闲暇多了，乐趣却少了；食品种类多了，营养却少了；双薪家庭增加了，离婚率也激升了；居室的装修华丽了，家庭却残缺破碎了。

因此奉劝大家，在当今这个时代，不必为某个特别时刻保留什么，因为我们生活的每一天都是特别的。

探索知识，遨游书海，坐在门廊前欣赏眼前的景色，把所有烦恼抛在脑后。

留出更多的时间与家人和朋友一起分享，吃遍天下美食，游遍你心中想往的名山大川。

生命是由快乐时光组成的一个链条，而绝不仅仅是一种生命的存在。

举起你那水晶酒杯开怀畅饮吧，不要吝惜你最好的香水，只要想用就尽情地用吧。

将“今后某一天”这类的话语从你的词汇中删除，现在就把你想在“今后某一天”写的信件写了寄走

不要把对家人和朋友的爱深藏心中，大胆地告诉他们。对于能给你的生命增添快乐的事情，不要押后拖延。

每一天，每一小时，每一分钟都是特别的。你怎么知道这会不会是你的最后一刻。

如果你因为太忙而无暇将这段文字传达给你所爱的人，总以为“今后的某一天”会有时间发出，那么想想吧……“今后的某一天”，你可能没机会再发这封信了。

放手吧!

2007-03-09T14:58:00.000+08:00

有人跟我说，
我似乎一直以来，
都是为了别人而活。

因为在他的眼里的我，
会因为别人的误会而耿耿于怀，
会因为别人的不快乐而忧心，
会因为别人的喜悦而开心，
不计形像的逗别人开心等。

就算这些‘别人’，
是在我自认能交范围内，
他仍觉得我的付出有时真的很不值得，
因做的付出都要不到回应。。
他们不会为我停下脚步，
去认识接受我，
和陪我去面对烦恼的事。

或许吧，
我不是伟人一个，
本身也有蛮多的缺点。
有个不易了解怪异的性格，
不善于表达，难以敞开的心房，
口无遮拦，好胜心强，庸懒等。
做过很多无心之过的事，
让人受伤，不快。
呈现出来的我，
多少看来不太可靠，
不易亲近吧。

所以渐渐的，
学会自我疗伤，自我辅导，
冷冷地看着这个世界转动。
没有力气再去认识新的人，
也没有精力去维持新的关系。

想想，可能真的差了点缘分吧。

该放手了，
是时候对自己好一点，
不再去想要了解，
这个世界与人的规则与玩法。
可能身上的伤太多，
真的玩不起了。

至少这样，
大家都不用伪笑的那么累，
不用再浪费时间和精神，
维持著没有结果的关系。

可能我的路比较难走，
所以感觉到有点悲，
但心情的确是如此。

再看看吧，
等年纪再大点，
或许世界又不一样了。

好烦啊!

2007-03-01T16:10:00.000+08:00

完了，
本来答应自己要以平静的心情，
去面对今年所会遇见的事情。

刚进入2007时，
心情还处在蛮静态的状态。
可是不到第3个月，
急躁的心开始蠢蠢欲动了。
天啊! 又要烦躁了。。

唉。。

不明白有些人的想法，
明明宣称不再管我了，
但是却似乎感觉到，
仍在暗地里控制着我。

然后又有些人，
故意跟你唱反调，
令你寸步难行。
事情搁在一边，
等到别人询问时，
就变成是你的不是。

再来有些人，
我想他们真的自我崇拜，
以为自己很厉害，
每次都得听着他老王卖瓜，
自卖自夸。

但当你需要他们帮忙时，
就会给你一大堆理由，
或使出太极108式，
来告诉你他很忙，去找别人，
因他实在没办法帮你。

为什么他们这么难搞?
可恨啊!

看来得去打打小人，
过过干瘾。。
高喊
恶灵退下!!!

生病了。。

2007-01-22T12:18:00.000+08:00

前几天身体向我发出严重的抗议，伤风啦，咳嗽啦，头晕头痛啦，呕吐啦，泻肚啦，接二连三地接踵而来。害我拿了好几天的病假在家。也把家里的笨蛋弄得团团转。。嘻嘻。。

虽然现在是好了七七八八，但后遗症还是多少有一点。偶尔晕晕头，反反胃，痛痛背等，但还好啦。至少还能上上班，玩玩电脑，看看电视，吃喝玩乐的。。可是老妈却担心的很，一直在耳边不停的督促，要把身子养好，不然。。

唉。。谁叫我是她三个孩子当中让她的头最痛的。

每年都告诉自己要好好修身养性，调好身体，不要向病魔屈服。可是，我呢，嘴又馋，人又懒，爱胡思乱想，所以每次都不成功。真是孺子不可教也，朽木雕不着。。哈哈。。

不管如何，大家不要向我‘学习’，要好好的照顾自己。尤其新年要到了，大吃大喝可不行。切记切记。。嘻嘻。。

圣诞节!

2007-01-03T22:18:00.000+08:00

Posted on Friendster Blog on 2006.12.25

今天是圣诞节，
是我最喜爱的节日之一。

今年前夕呢，
有大餐，有圣诞老人，有小仙女，
有小礼物，有好看的电影等。。
想想，可能最开心的是，
今年这帮朋友都算到齐了。
但是我却累倒了，
因为前一天刚考完我的日语，
姐姐和我都杀死了不少细胞。。
想尽情的玩，但懒意更浓。
哈哈哈。。。

这几天，
有绵绵细雨，
有倾盆大雨，
有阵阵雷声，
有凉凉风吹，
似乎好像老天爷给的，
一个类似白色圣诞的天气。
纵然没有下雪，
但细雨也有异曲同工之妙。
嘻嘻。。

很快的，新的一年就快来了，
今年呢，
好像没什么成就，
真不好意思。。嘻。。
还让一些人替我担忧。
或许新的一年会更好!!

新一年，大家都要加油哦!

祝你
圣诞快乐和 2007 年快乐!!!

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

yoz..the xmas photos can be found on my blog @ www.jingsixuan.com
Posted by: Kai Ling December 28, 2006 09:07 PM

三思而行

2007-01-03T22:15:00.000+08:00

Posted on Friendster Blog on 2006.12.15

我想还是收敛一点，
不然伤了别人，
也害了自己。。

知道自己的不好，
但是还是不自觉的，
做了自己会后悔的事。

虽然每次都会自我检讨，
警戒自己下次别再犯了，
但是仍然不变。

站在别人的立场，
能明白当事人的感受，
我需要学习在做任何事之前，
好好用脑袋去思考，
不会带给人家或自己，
没必要的误会与不快。。

唉。。
做人真的很难。。

忘了

2007-01-03T22:10:00.000+08:00

Posted on Friendster Blog on 2006.10.30

突然觉得自己真的忘了很多事物。
忘了爱笑的自己，
忘了疯狂的自己，
忘了爱玩的自己，
忘了乐观的自己，
忘了单纯的自己，
忘了好胜的自己，
忘了坚强的自己等。。。

渐渐的，也开始
忘了因简单的快乐，
忘了为梦想的努力，
忘了对雨天的迷恋，
忘了爱唱歌的执着，
忘了听歌曲的感动，
忘了对小说的喜爱，
忘了读漫画的沉迷，
忘了搭巴士的乐趣，
忘了看电影的动容，
忘了接近海的喜悦等。。
原来不知不觉真的忘了好多。。

可能因为太在意一些事，
现实的压力让我有心无力，
渐渐对自己严苛，不谅解，
并且自我封锁。
在那个狭小的空间里，
不断地批评，贬低，
造成许多的不安与不快。

我想这是我的低潮吧。
虽然不是第一次，
只是没想过这次的会那么久，
也演变成了我忘了那么多事物。

或许还需要一点时间，
暂时放纵一下，
可能我会找会那个自己吧。
我会加油的。。。

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

你的过去打造了今天的你。
将来会有怎么的你，
就看你现在如何去创造。
祝你:平安。幸福。快乐
娘启
Posted by: Ming Hui November 6, 2006 07:42 AM

七年了。。

2007-01-03T22:02:00.000+08:00

Posted on Friendster Blog on 2006.09.14

大约七年前，我跟一个笨蛋开始交往。
大约三年前，我成为他合法的另一伴。
直到去年，我才成为他明媒正娶的妻子。

记得初次认识的时侯，我们彼此都没有留下深刻的印象。
他还曾经说他对我的印象很差，因为觉得我很吵闹。
不过，渐渐的因为有所来往，才较为熟络。

他不是个标准的情人，
因为他友情大过天。时常重友轻色，
有时又因为打游戏，看电视等而冷落我，
却还能每次理直气壮的说自己没错。

他不是个浪漫的情人，
虽然点子很多，但却很懒得去做。
只有一次因为没在一起过圣诞节，
他才浪漫地请人送了一大束花和娃娃给我。

他不是个会甜言蜜语的情人，
因为要他说句话来哄你，
他只会用笨蛋或小猪来取笑你，
就算你故意生气，
他也只跟你打哈哈敷衍过去。

他不是个顺从的情人，
不管你如何哄他，威胁他，
只要是他不想或不愿意，
他对你的要求会通通不理会，
有时还会摆个臭脸给你。

他不是个脾气好的情人，
爱脸黑黑就黑，
爱不理你是什么都不说，
还好他不会拿东西打人。
不然我就完了。

他不是个炫耀的情人，
你几乎不会听到他对我的称赞，
有时还会在别人面前，故装可怜，
害我哑巴吃黄莲，有苦说不清。
可是他也不会到处跟人数我不是。

但是。。。

他是个贴心的情人，
会在你累了或无助的时候，
一直静静在你的身边，不离不弃，
鼓励着你，替你加油。

他是个细心的情人，
一个眼神，一个动作，或一个暗示，
他都能猜到我的想法和‘阴谋’。
所以他自称是我肚子里面的蛔虫，
什么也逃不过他。

他是个宠坏我的情人，
只要是我喜欢的事物，
他必会多加留意，
在你不经意时，把它送给你，
不然就陪着你盲目的追求。

他是个谅解的情人，
不管我多多愁善感，无理取闹，
他都只会在我情绪闹完后，
无奈地轻轻敲我的头，
问我姨妈是不是要来道访。

他是个让我有元气的情人，
不管遇到挫折，新的挑战等，
只要看到他，听到他的声音，
或一个鼓励的眼神，
都会很安心地去面对。

不管我的身材象股市般忽高忽低，
他都说我可爱，但瘦点会更好。
不管我睡觉时一直踢被子，
他都在临睡前帮我把脚盖好。

等等等。。。

爱一个人不需要任何理由，
但在热情过后，理智清醒，
你是不是还能像当初一样，
对他的好与坏仍然照单全收呢?
我想他可以。

我想如果这段感情不能长久。
我想我们也能笑着说再见，
但希望这天永远不会来。

好了，
不能说他太多好话，
不然他会飘飘然的。
送给我的笨蛋，
Pre-七年之痒的礼物。
哈哈。。。

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

I only got 1 sentence for you :"Your Chinese language is excellent!". Haha
Posted by: Tomoko ShinYan September 15, 2006 04:51 AM

好幸福的七年，好另人羡慕的七年。
Posted by: UnWanTed FAtSo November 1, 2006 09:24 AM

在你的文字里，你也让我感到好幸福哦！
但愿你两此生此世，此情永不虞！
Posted by: Ming Hui November 6, 2006 07:57 AM

which one is you?

2007-01-03T21:59:00.000+08:00

Posted on Friendster Blog on 2006.08.22

在權力的面前，人變的脆弱
在金錢的面前，人變的貪婪
在地位的面前，愛顯的多餘
而在生命的面前你其實只是浩瀚長河中的一粒沙

有一座白色的塔，裡面的人都拼命的往上爬，因為他們相信到了塔頂就可以看見天空，但是塔裡沒有樓梯，他們必須踩著彼此的身體，才有往上爬的可能，在先來後到的邏輯下，早來的人、懂得方法的人，總是可以得到優先權。因為塔裡沒有樓梯，他們必須踩著彼此的身體，才有往上爬的可能。

在先來後到的邏輯下，早來的人、懂得方法的人、有強烈的慾望想爬上去的人，總是有機會爬的快一點。這是一個塔，也是一個戰場，所以時時需要消毒、整理，因為傷痕累累血跡斑斑，同時，塔裡卻也不斷的製造新生命或修補毀壞的生命，這是往上爬必須的代價。

有一個人，終於有一個人以為他到了塔頂，觸摸到那個他以為是陽光落下來的窗子，才發現窗子原來早就鎖起來了，永遠都打不開，他才發現窮其一生，用一切來交換往上爬的機會，原來換到的只是一個鎖住的窗戶。

也有些人，不喜歡在過程中，必須被踩踏或踩踏別人的感覺，於是他們選擇離開這座塔，尋找其他的出路。也有人選擇了永遠都作墊底的那一個，他只要能在其中生存就夠了。而有些人，總是毫不客氣的，繼續往上爬…

Adapted from CTV website for a Taiwanese show call ‘白色巨塔’, The Hospital.

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

人，是可以选择是否要主宰自己的命运。
那，你是否有勇气做决择呢？
Posted by: Ming Hui November 6, 2006 08:05 AM

jus a thought

2007-01-03T21:56:00.000+08:00

Posted on Friendster Blog on 2006.08.03

yesterday jus went to watch a show 'Click'.. it was a fun show with meaning, where u will know towards the ending of the show. this guy in the story works a lot and keep forgetting things he promise his family.. reason is that he need to provide the best for family.. so he been talking of work when family gathering, missing his son's competition, delaying completion of the tree hse.. etc..everything is work work work...

one day where he drove off to find a universal remote control, he received a remote control where he can manipulate with his life.. being forward, pause, skip, rewind etc..

he started to use the remote to forward his life, like skipping argument with his wife, gng thru gathering with his parents etc..however, he is not aware that this remote has a function of remembering the things he has forwarded.. example is whenever he started to argue with his wife, the remote will auto forward to the next stage...suddenly he found himself in a situation where things changed..

all bcos he forward his life and he been in an 'auto-pilot' stage where work is everything.. he missed a lot of things in life, like his dad's death, his divorce, his children growth etc.... he regretted for everything, but ending is that he managed to re-started the whole thing again... think u will have a better idea after watching the show, my explanation very poor... haha ;p)

coming to think abt it, this is the situation most ppls are in..

we are to busy meeting schedules, working, earning money, making plans for retirement... etc, we always missed out the real things besides us.. when was the last time we actually can really really relax not thinking of work, when was the last time we actually spend quality time with loved ones saying things deep in the heart, when was the last time u hug ur parents to show them u really love them?

everyday, can see ppls gng to work, with a zombie face, where for some, meeting up with family and friends becoming a hassle. after a day work, we all jus wanna sleep or sit aside doing things we wan like watching tv or playing games... everyday becoming stressed and tiring... life is really nothing else but work eat sleep...

even though the government been promoting family life, but in reality we can't meet that.. we all need the bread and in spore, we can be replaced very easily.. sigh... things are really easier to say than done...

ever came across a quote, it says that where one is at his deathbed or during sickness (serious), he will normally think that why din he spend time with family, why din he tell his loved one how much he loved them etc, but not think of why he din get promoted, why din he worker harder to meet this and that... how funny... but sadly, it is the truth...

jus a thought.... haha ;p

a song to share..

2007-01-03T21:54:00.000+08:00

Posted on Friendster Blog on 2006.07.01

have modified a song which i like recently, part of the chorus been changed during my sianz time in the mrt... jus for fun... This is the 'Going to KTV' version. Haahaa ;p
给我你的钱，
好让我能去KTV。
给我你的钱，
唱呀唱着好痛快ah ah。
就算唱到超时，
我也不在乎，
只要你有足够钱，
能让我付账。。woowoo...
(modified from a song '给我你的爱', sang by Tank)

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

Bravo! Bravo! nice conversion..
Keep it Up!! (",)
Posted by: Kyoko aka Jie July 2, 2006 08:15 AM

迷路

2007-01-03T21:52:00.000+08:00

Posted on Friendster Blog on 2006.04.28

最近啊，
会听到朋友说很多人，甚至是自己，
不知道未来的路该如何走下去。
现在的我们是不是
算是一天过着一天，
但是我们心灵里其实是空虚的，
因为现在所过的生活，
可能不是你所想要的。。
人因梦想而伟大，
这句话对有些人并不陌生，
可是真正能朝梦想前进的又有几个？
一个老掉牙的问与答。
随着突然的成长，
随成长而来的责任，
随责任而生的压力，
有几个人会咬着牙关去面对解决，
有几个会选择不顾一切的去逃避呢？
当人的心到一个麻痹点的时候，
会不会觉得对一切的物与事，
都开始不再那么的有兴趣，
会开始对周围有一种无名的排斥感，
也渐渐的会忘了年幼时所坚持的梦。
如果有一天你突然迷路，
徘徊在十字路口，
不要害怕，
因为你不会是唯一一个有
这样的感觉。
大家都在寻找着对的路，
虽然也不知道那条路，
是不是真的是对的。
你呢？
祝君早日寻得不悔路，快快乐乐走下去。。
(后记：有感而发，看倌只需看了就忘。请当作是无稽之谈。哈哈。。)

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

2007-01-03T21:49:00.000+08:00

Posted on Friendster Blog on 2006.01.31

wah, so fast to send the rooster away to its 12yrs journey again and having the doggie to stay put and watching over now.. now reflecting back, me jus got married, jus got my diploma, jus have a baby niece.. without achieving much... the brand new year has arrived....

so wat can I do this yr? dun know leh.. din exactly have a plan yet. think me will still look and laz ard, maybe finding time for myself and my family more, bring my parent out more, blackmail my boy more (poor fellow...), go out wif my friends or sister more (depending on if my friends still remember me... haha ;p), save up more, work hard more, learning more things, watch idol shows more, listening to music more, go KTV more, sleep more, eat more, got slim more, talk cock more, be unreasonable more, train my temper more, hold my mouth more, listen to ppl more... etc etc.... craps.... haha ;p

most importantly, hoping to start study this yr and get a degree soon (sianz...) but before all, me need to recharge my body and be happier and peaceful to substain my inner self... hope this yr will not think too much... been gng thru a hard rooster yr, there are ups and downs all the time... though sometimes it is really hard to pull through and almost wanna jus give up. been dreaming of throwing everything off and jus leave... hope that the doggie yr will be better for everyone...

should be thankful for having a hubby who dote on me, a family who cares for me and some friends though seldom meet up but their sms always come in time to brighten up my days. SO now me shouting out, those who wanna see me meet me or wat, dun hesitate leh.... Call me leh... I can ask my hubby to eat himself anyday anytime... haha ;p (getting more and more thick-skinned liaoz....)

ya, must be more content with the things i am having now..

hmm... now me dun know wat i talking liaoz... aiya, too much thing to say too much to write...

NEVERTHELESS, HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR AND MAY ALL UR WISHES AND DESIRES COME TRUE!!!

CHEERS!!!

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

happy new year!
Posted by: Huimin February 3, 2006 07:13 AM

MY BSB CONCERT (it's ROCKING!!)

2007-01-03T21:47:00.000+08:00

Posted on Friendster Blog on 2006.01.24

Last nite (24/1) went to Spore Indoor Stadium to watch the concert by my favourite boy-band, BACKSTREET BOYS!!! So happy!! It's been 5 yrs since I saw them with their new album 'Incomplete'... Miss them so much, which make me wanna cry when they came out from the backstage and started to sing....

No firework, no change in their costumes, jus a simple yet great and professional performance. It is the most craziest concert I ever attend. Of cos, 1st time for me to be so crazy till kept shouting and waving and singing and getting excited!! Though now body aching and voice hoarse, but it is worth it!

The fans in front started to stand and sing and swing body, ppl at the side oso standing, but my corner no one standing. however can see tat everyone is high cos the seat is trembling and ppl shaking their body on their seat... Till the last song, it was the whole stadium with standing and roaring ppls. There are so much I wanna share.... ;)

Now waiting for my friend to send me the photos she shot during the concert. A nite I never forget...

Kevin, Howie, Brian, AJ, Nick!! I love you so much!!!! BSB Rocks!!!!

給我身邊的那個他

2007-01-03T21:42:00.000+08:00

Posted on Friendster Blog on 2005.08.02

我輕輕地舞著，在靜謐的天堂之中。
天使們投射過來異樣的眼神。
詫異也好，欣賞也罷。
並不曾使我的舞步凌亂。
因為令我飛揚的，不是天使們的目光。
而是我的青蛙王子。
****************************************************
如果把整個浴缸的水倒出，也澆不熄我對你愛情的火燄。
整個浴缸的水全部倒得出嗎？..可以。
所以，是的。我愛你...
****************************************************
Adapted from: 第一次的親密接觸 (蔡智恆)

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

I love the poem! It is so touching! My eyes were filled with tears already.. I can feel it, it fills me with happiness too! Makes me think of the day when i attend you house warming. Do you know that you are my first friend couples to get married? Wonder when will mine come *hehe*
Posted by: Baoqing

Incomplete

2007-01-03T21:38:00.000+08:00

Posted on Friendster Blog on 2005.07.25

A song for someone whom I have lost long time ago…

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me
I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess

I've tried to go on like
I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I've tried to go on like
I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

I don't mean to drag it on, but I can't seem to let you go
I don't wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

Incomplete

Nothing...

2007-01-03T21:29:00.000+08:00

Posted on Friendster Blog on 2005.07.14

checking out the blog here...

see so many of them having blogs... haha ;p me? nothing special, just a plain tomboy gal (friends and colleagues say more feminine now, but still very rough gal in terms of behaviour).. well, now working at my desk,typing the blog. too sianz liaoz.. been in this job for 4 yrs.. me working at changi airport, but NOT sia.. ppls tends to think airport is sia.. me in caas... the authority of airport.. but then who cares... hehe ;p

hmm... think my head not working again. recently a lot of things coming down on me. shoulder more and more heavy. can't help it.

like to sing a lot, ktv siaoz... fancy chinese boy grps like f4 (SURPRISED?can't help it leh.. meteor garden too deep impact on me), some not so popular boys in some ou xiang ju (frens say my taste very different cos they dun find them attractive) and some female singers like penny dai, sunyanzi (my hubby's favourite), liang jing ru etc... can call me for asession, but dun pin hope on vocal leh..

hmm... wat else? jus completed my study for pre-school teaching. thought can be teacher but then after my attachment make realise me might need to be more mature in handling things before going into this field. so wait wait loh. do miss the children encounter during the attachment. especially one jap gal called nao. only 2 and half yrs old. very cute... have attached her photo. take a look.. next time will attach the rest of the children if got chance... got kimo, megan, yongjie, lili, maxime etc etc... wah still can remember their names....

ok ok lah... next time write somemore. but not very good in writing it in english.. my england not powderful enough... maybe can try writing in chinese... need to find chinese software... haha ;p

おはよう! 私はエスターです!

2007-01-03T15:17:00.000+08:00

你好啊!!

这是我刚新成立的blog place.希望能够透过这里与你分享我的喜与悲，还有有趣的事物。让你更了解我，或者更不了解我。哈哈哈。。。

我会从 Friendster 把以前的 posting 和 comments搬过来。也会经常update的。。

***
Helo!!

This is a new blog that I have started to share with you my thoughts and any interesting things around me. I hope you can understand me better through this blog or maybe be more confused about the real me... Haha ;p

Will import the previous post and comments from the Friendster and update both regularly... Till then....